A
male
age
,
*oin crazy
writes:Ok well now i have a new question . My wife has taken a turn in our relationship. First of all she is a bit overweight.(AND THAT DONT BOTHER ME) So yesterday she calls me from work and tells me that she is at this department store. And im im like aaaaah ok? She says that her and some friends (FEMALE) are in the womens department and she found some sexy underwear that she thought i mite like for her to wear to bed? And im like aaaaah ok again. She told me that she didnt have enough money on her to buy anything and if i wanted to drive to this place after she got home from work. I said yea shure so we drive 60 miles one way to this store so she can show me these sexxy nitewear. To make a long story short they had nothing that would fit her. I wanted to cry because i could see the frustration and hurt in her eyes when she couldnt find anything that would fit her. So as not to further hurt her feelings she picked out the largest garment she could find (I KNOW IT WONT FIT HER).Just for me. I dont know why most of this stuff is geared twards small women. I dont like to talk to my wife about her weight because she gets upset and i love her with all my heart and dont want to hurt her. But when she wears these things for me and they dont fit it just really is a big turn off for me. And i cant bring myself to say anything to her because i DONT want to hurt her. HELP ????????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Wow, she is so lucky to have you. I'm a size 18-20 and have just got out of a relationship with a guy who would insist we turn the lights off during sex and would constantly make comments about my "fat ass" and "muffin top". He would make me feel uncomfortable in my sexiest outfit and so I ended it with him. Your wife is an incredibly lucky woman and she should feel pround to have you.
If she is really intent on wearing sexy underwear for you take matters into your own hands. Get her underwear size and one day after work say your going to get her a surprise. Find a plus size underwear store and buy something you know she will look sexy in and that fits her properly and get it for her. When she wears it tell her how amazing she looks in it and show her how much it turns you on :P
Good luck x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): Your post brought a tear to my eye, you are indeed a rare breed. I wish all women could be loved by someone like you, the world would be a better place.
Now for the underwear question. Perhaps you could find something that is large enough for her to wear. I had a boyfriend that had a knack for buying very modest but sexy nightgowns. The benefit to that is, you get the color and the coverage that DOES turn you on :)
Best of luck to you and your lovely girl.
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A
female
reader, betty_black  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 Well i am not overweight, im only a size 12-14 but the sexy lingerie they sell in them sorts of stores dont fit me either! The ones that claim they are my bra size, and a size 12 or 14 knickers are waaaaay too tight and the bra sizes are always about two cups smaller than they claim! I'd advice you to tell her to look at some online stores! Theres many that will do underwear for the plus sized woman thats still sexy and not frumpy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): How about... I rather see your natural beauty? I really hate when you wear those things. I want to see you, not some cheap piece of material....
she wants to know she is beautiful so give it to her already. She is a little insecure about the weight and the only way to combat and help her is to say things like i wrote....
you do not have to be bruteally honest to say what you mean. what i wrote says the same thing with heart. It will send the message that she dosent need those things to turn you on. and ends the problem of her getting upset about those things being too small... BTW they don't make em for big chested women either (DD) they are all geared towards small cup tiny women.... GRRRRRRRR
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 June 2009):
 If she's anything like I was, she has a picture in her head about how she looks--and it doesn't match reality. The buying of sexy underwear is a way of denying that she's heavy (to herself, of course). She's trying to make herself feel better and it is backfiring.
So how to help her? Hm, Babyduck has a great little speech there. What would I have wanted to hear?
"I love you so much, I know you are doing everything you can to please me and I appreciate it so much. I hate to discourage the underwear shopping, but honestly, it doesn't do that much for me. If it makes you feel good to wear it, okay, but I don't get any special thrill from it. It's not that it's a long drive to the store, or their selection is so limited, it's that the underwear actually looks uncomfortable to me. If it makes me feel vicariously uncomfortable, I find it hard to believe you feel comfortable in it."
So maybe you need to head her off at the pass. The next time she wants you to drive her 60 miles to try on underwear, come up with an excuse not to go. "Hon, I'm happy to do it but I have a better idea!" Then come up with something else to do, something creative and fun, and close to home. Keep her from putting herself in that situation in the first place.
She does it because she desperately wants to feel better about herself. If you can get that (more diplomatically phrased) across to her, you might save both of you some heartache.
You're a good guy--she must know that and so you're already ahead of the game. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, hlophe  +, writes (26 June 2009):
Hi,
I have been married for a year now and im also in the same situation as your wife ,i have gained 15 Kg and that frustrates me because nothing fits me anymore it has also affected my sex life.What i appreciated the most is my husband honest opinion on things.Its hurts but at least i know the truth.I know exactly how my husband feels and i love that.So it is up to me to take it negative or positive and please when you do tell her ,dont critisise her tell her how you feel.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (26 June 2009):
 Just talk to her and tell her what you have told us, be very straight forward with her. Yes, it may hurt her feelings but she will appreciate your honesty and it may encourage her to lose weight. X
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