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female
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*amila
writes: My boyfriend is very jealous! I have quite a few friends including male friends as I am a very friendly person. All my male friends are only friends, nothing more, but he can't seem to accept that; if a male friend calls me, he thinks I have an affair with him or he was my ex-boyfriend. When I explain to him that he is the only one I love and that I have nothing other than friendship with these guys, he doesn't believe and trust me. Our relationship is serious, we love each other a lot and we are going to get married but he doesn't trust me at all!! How can we live a life together without trust? I don't know how to make him believe me anymore. Please give me some advice. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2005): Well, your letter brings up that age old question-can a woman be just friends with a man and/or men? I do think it's possible (but not probable), as long as both people never, ever enter a platonic friendship without hidden agendas. It's even possible if both people are in serious, committed relationships with other people. But I will say this..it takes a very confident, trusting, open minded partner in your relationship..to NOT be a bit intimidated by this. And the reality is..many of our partners are just not 'hardwired' that way. Your BF is reacting the way because he knows exactly how the average guy thinks. aThe reality is..a lot of 'male friends' will never tell you, but they DO have hidden agendas and usually he is the one that will want to move into an area outside of friendship and although nothing may happen physically, it can destroy the fiber of your loving, solid relationship with your partner/bf.
My opinion...most men would rather have sex than cuddle and do friendly chit-chat with a woman. If women can handle this and keep it in perpective, then she'll do fine with her male friends. Considering myself a lady, many of my past male friends- 97% of them have told me quite bluntly they wanted more than just a friendship. (The jokes, snide remarks, and the subtle sexual innuendoes may be all in fun, but they're dead give-aways-watch for this).
I think your BF probably does trust you...he just doesn't trust your male friends. Out of respect for him...get proactive and involve him in your interactions when these male friends are around. If they aren't a threat and he realizes that..then he'll calm down. But I would agree to see your male friends only when your BF is around. What's bugging him is that he doesn't know what going on..and remember, he is a man and he knows how a man thinks. Like I said..it's possible for the opposite sexes to be friends, if they can steer clear of the other possibilities. Just my opinion on this subject-take it or leave it. Take Care Hugs, Irish
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (10 August 2005):
Why is he marrying you if he doesnt trust you? I would say its not a good idea to get married if there is no trust.
Let him meet some of your male friends if he hasnt done so already, perhaps you could all go out together.
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