A
female
age
36-40,
*iamigirls1
writes:im tired an sick of my sexless relationship! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years now. we have a 15 month old baby together. we r not married yet (dont ask) He is been working a lot lately, and I do understand that, but I do too, as well as I go to college and when I get home I cook, clean, wash and take care of our baby. It s been a while since we do not have sex, I would say a month already. TOday after dinner and watching a movie I was totally on the moode. I even made coffee so we could stay awake and after touching him everywhere for half hour he just turn around and said, ok, lets just go to sleep.... WHAT??? what men in this world (who sures is inlove) could resist that? today was his day off and I was trully hoping to be together.... but did not happen,. after he turn around on me I asked why? and he just said that it was late (midnight) and he did not feel like it.... ok??? so when is this men going to FEEL like it? when I am gone? I am getting tired and even though I love him and i do want to work things (we spoke about it a few times I even bought sex toys, which we havent een used yet) I am feeling I need someone else in my life. It is horrible to say what I would like to have an affair... put some action into my life. I know it s horrible, but what about if he is doing it already and I am the idiot waiting for him? I need some advise, Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): I feel the same way I have a nine year old and a 1 year old and my sex life sucks:( Its only whe he wants and that is not enough for me...I am a sexual person who just wants to be desired by her husband.Sometimes I fantasize aBOUT someone wanting me and kicking my husband to the curb, you Know I just want to feel happy!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): Thanks everyone. Just a little update, I woke up today and I could not helo but ask him what in this world is wrong with him. He said nothing, that he was tired and that is it. well... i am trying... if does not work I would have to do something about it because I do not feel love anymore (or wanted) it brakes my heart because I do love him, but he needs to wake up, or one of these days I will be gone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): There is another possible answer. I know because I lived through a similar thing that destroyed the relationship I was in...he may have masturbated while you were at work that day and was already satiated :(
Don't jump to any conclusions about him having an affair, unless there are other signs to point you in that direction.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): He is tired having sex with you. He is no longer turned on by you. he is probably mentally in love with someone else. You both need to nip this in the bud. Goodluck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 November 2009):
Don't have an affair. That will lead to further problems. He needs to open up to you, and that means you need to have a serious talk with him about why he's seemingly uninterested in you. Perhaps since the baby he sees you as a mother and not a girlfriend? You need to talk to him, because it is unfair on you to be treated this way. He has to open up. If he doesn't, then you need to consider the future. But I wouldn't adivse you have an affair, because it will complicate things. Talk to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): Sometimes, when you have a young child in the house and you're both busy working at home or elsewhere the tiredness can actually become a factor but there are other things here that may be at work.
Are you pressuring him for sex? Are you asking a lot? Sometimes this can put someone off and push them in the other direction.
Perhaps he is genuinely tired? My husband works a very long day and when he gets home all he wants to do is sleep or take time out for himself, which is perfectly reasonable. If we watch a movie together it gets late and he's relaxed but sleepy and it is difficult to find that mood for both partners no matter how much in the mood one or the other is.
I wouldn't attribute his behavior to having an affair - men go through phases where they just don't want sex, just as a woman might. The myth that a guy wants to have sex all the time is just that, a myth.
Try talking to him again, explain (calmly) your feelings and, without sounding like you're pressuring him, suggest that you would like to set aside a night at the weekend to spend some quality time together - not necessarily for sex, but just to bond with one another, if it is at all possible.
It could just be that you both need to get back on the same page, which might take a little while. Try to hold back on the affair idea, you might not find what you're looking for there either.
Communication is the key, talk it over again and see what happens.
If you really aren't getting what you'd like from the relationship, reguardless of your child, perhaps you're in the wrong one?
I would like to know how this turns out.
Good luck xx
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