A
male
age
36-40,
*usty00
writes:So I have been seeing this girl for a little more than 3 weeks. I am 25 she is 21. She is really sweet, we have a lot of fun together, and I definetly see potential. Thing is she is kind of shy, she told me straight up she moves slower when it comes to having sex after I asked her about it. My question when is an appropriate amount of time to bring it up again? I find her incredibly attractive and I know she feels the same about me. Its just getting really difficult to keep holding back, and I don't want to do anything to mess things up with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): Stop bringing up the sex subject, it screams I want to use you. And that goes not only for her but with all women in your future. When a woman feels comfortable with a guy and sexually attracted to him she will bring up the subject on her terms. Your pressuring her only serves to push her away and it won’t take too much in a new relationship for her to feel pressured. Patience is a virtue and pays off in the long run.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): if she's shy etc it'll take her a little more than 3 weeks to get her to be comfortable around you, don't rush things,get to know her properly, I'd give it at least another month or 2 depending on how often you hang out with her, and I would not bring it up all of a sudden. show her that you're interested in getting to know her rather than getting into her pants
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2013):
 She has already told you she moves slowly about sex... this was your warning.... good things come to those that wait...
do not ask again as she will find it to be pressure.... even if you don't mean it to be.
3 weeks is not a lot of time if you are dating once or twice a week... dont' rush the physical intimacy at all...
if you really see long term potential... WAIT her out...
woo her... treat her properly...
I would think that after 3 months of serious dating... (i.e. you have determined that you two want to be a monogamous committed couple) you should at least be at the necking stage....
after that... you could bring it up again... but OVER a dinner NOT in the bedroom or on the couch...
and never ask her to go further while you are int he throes of any sort of make out session.. that's not fair...
if she is a virgin it will take even longer...
if she has been hurt or used... longer still...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2013): I just don't see how you can actually say it. Wait and see, if you like her that much, you'll need to hold back, otherwise she'll think you are only after sex.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 February 2013):
I don't think you should be asking her about it. Talk about not being smooth, "So, do you want to have sex?" just doesn't have a ring to it. Instead, why don't you read her body language when you get into a romantic situation?
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