A
female
age
36-40,
*urple rain
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we live together and we're very happy, but when i go out and get drunk i am violent towards him. I dont know why, im not at all like that when soba and there is nothing wrong with us. He has stuck by me and wants to help me, but ive done this 10 times now and i dont think he'll be around if i do it again. I wouldn't blame him for leaving, he deserves better. The only way im dealing with it is by not drinking at all but my boyfriend doesnt want me to never drink again, he just doesnt want me to be violent.I dont know what to do. Help
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Forget about what your boyfriend wants. If you are the kind of person that becames violent under the influence of alcohol, and if this a recurring ,sort of predictable occurrence, not just a one off, totally out of character incident, it means that you can't handle drinking and you should eliminate it from your life altogether.
Apparently, that may seem a too drastic solution, it would be enough that you use some self -control and only drink in moderation and stop at the first or second glass right ? The problem is that you don't do it, you drink to the point of becoming violent, obnoxious and potentially dangerous. I think that, already knowing what are the consequences of your drinking, if you COULD drink in moderation, and stop before you get out of control, ...you would have done it already, and you would not be writing to Dear Cupid.
You don't have a boyfriend problem, you have a drinking problem. Seek specialized help. There are medications, addiction counselors, AA mettings, all sorts of stuff. The first step maybe is to consult with your doctor and get advice and referrals for what's the best way for you to drop the habit.
A
male
reader, Doctor Dave +, writes (12 June 2011):
 I like a lot of the comments on here, I myself have in the past destroyed people and things around me under the influence of alcohol, not pretty I can tell you, And I would just like to add :
The reason I felt the need to add this comment was because i felt that most people on here feel the solution is to stop drinking! well, I like a drink, and after working 45 to 50 hours a week, I feel I deserve a Drink.
The main lesson here is to allocate time with friends to do that, once or twice a week, and the rest of the time, spend having quality time with your partner.
Otherwise, drink is just a day to day thing that spirals in to something more serious. I hope all this makes some sense.
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A
female
reader, lola80x +, writes (5 January 2009):
Hi I was in a similar situation to you and my bf eventually left me. either give up the drinking for a while or find a low alcohol drink that does not get you really drunk that you lose control.
My problem was I would not remember a thing or why I became that way. I would wake up with no memory and just know I did something bad.
I only wish I took my own advice before it was too late.
Funnily enough I never ever got that way with friends or family it was just my bf. I think it stems from relationship insecurities that resurface when Im drunk. Maybe there is something on your mind that you need to talk to your bf about.
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A
male
reader, roadman +, writes (31 December 2008):
 well stop drinking!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 December 2008):
I know a guy who gets in fights when he's drunk so he doesn't drink.
It's just as easy to have fun while sober.
Give it a try not drinking. You'll be amazed how easy it is?
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, katatonik  +, writes (30 December 2008):
 If not drinking is what it takes for you not to be violent, you may have to continue to exercise moderation with regard to alcohol. You don't have to give it up cold turkey, but if you love this guy it would be in your best interests to stop a few beers or shots earlier so that you are buzzed rather than incoherently, out of your mid, don't-know-what-you are doing drunk. That isn't a particularly healthy habit anyway, even if you don't follow it up with violence.
Alternately, you can try speaking to a counselor and see if they have another solution for you.
Good luck =]
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