A
female
age
41-50,
*ychance
writes:i have been in a relationship with this guy who is 19 yrs older than me for three years now and we have two small children together and we live together. he doesn't want to take me anywhere. he always have an excuse on why he don't take me anywhere and plus he keeps on cheating on me with an old high school friend of his. but he has says it's nothing going on with her. i try my best to make it work because of the children. when i try to leave he tells me that i am being selfish and think of the kids. what do you think i need to do about this situation?What do you do when you boyfriend don't want to give you any kind of foreplay before you have sex with him, but want you to give him oral sex? And, you leave unsatisfied in bed?
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (30 January 2011):
 hi
no. he is being the selfish one not you! he is using the kids as a 'tool' to make you feel guilty coz he knows you love them so much. he sounds an a**s*.
your kids can be happy with you and him living separate as long as you are both happy that way. so don't let him fool you. if he cared so much about the kids and making a happy family for you all he would not be messing about with his ex, and making YOU miserable, in bed and out of it
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): he's the one being selfish, he wants to keep you around even though he's cheating on you and not doing squat for you yet expecting you to meet his needs.
next time you want to leave and he pulls this guilt trip on you, take the wind out of his sails by telling him that no you are leaving precisely because of the kids, because it's in the kids' best interests to not be in a toxic home environment like yours.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (30 January 2011):
Your partner is using the children as a tool... I am speaking from experience!
We have one chance in life, it isn't a rehersal, do you really want to be old and about to take your last breath and think, oh dear what a waste, I stayed purely to keep everyone else happy and I haven't experienced true love and happiness? Those are the things I used to think!
The children will adapt to life... they do. Its hard to begin with believe me. There was many a time my child would cry for daddy, and it killed me, I was very tempted on more than one occasion to return because of what I was putting my child through. However, as long as the children have some stability and regular contact with their father and most importantly are shown that mummy and daddy do love them despite not being together, this gets them through. Your children are a little younger than mine was, mine was 4, so was more aware of what actually was going on and took it personal.
Please don't stay with this man if this is how he treats you.... look at it another way, if he is secretly having an affair, who is to say he won't up and leave anyway. Don't be used, no one deserves it... and also remember your children do not deserve to grow up in this kind of environment either as they will become adults one day and think its an acceptable way of treating women because that is how their dad treated you.
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A
female
reader, Traycie +, writes (30 January 2011):
You're being selfish by staying with him and you are hurting you and your children. You are not happy and your children can see that and they feed off of it you are being emotionally abused and you need to get out now
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (30 January 2011):
 Uh.. what exactly is a 'popcorn dad'?
Anyway, you can't let that be the reason you stay in a relationship that makes you this unhappy. Do you really want him to grow up in this kind of environment? Your oldest is 21 months old, he might miss his father but he's not old enough to take it as a personal insult if he doesn't get to see him every day. A five year old is much more likely to do that than a child that's almost two.
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A
female
reader, mychance +, writes (30 January 2011):
mychance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know that is time for me to leave him alone all together. But, the problem is that when my oldest child who is 21 months face lights up when he sees his father. I know that it will break my child's heart if he don't see his father everyday. I am going to be honest if I know that i am not with him I know that he is going to be a "popcorn dad".
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (30 January 2011):
Never, ever put yourself through this kind of emotional torture for the sake of your kids. It's not going to do them any good. If anything, your unhappiness will influence them. Small children can be very perceptive in that way.
The way he treats you justifies your desire to leave and move on. It would be selfish to leave a man that treats you right and hasn't done anything to give you a valid reason to leave, but obviously that's not the case. Your boyfriend is just trying to guilt you into staying so he can have his cake and eat it too.
You're not happy in the relationship and he doesn't seem to have an interest in making it work. In no way are you obligated to stay with him. Your children need a mother that's happy and content in her life, not miserable.
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