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When I move away for university we will be long distance, and it will last for 6 years! How do we make this work?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 April 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2011)
A female Mauritius age 30-35, *ou5 writes:

hi..

I am 20 and my boyfriend 23. we have been dating sice i was 16 but take several pauses off. but last year when i entered university, we again became close to each other dated for about a year. then litle problems crop up like he leave me unattended yet saying he loves me. he even lied to me about some of his activities and an event that took place. he kissed another girl. i dont know if they went deeper in the relationship. i was hurt and depresed cuz of that cuz i trusted him blindly. i always did so thats why we break yet came back together normally.

but with that shock and depresion i applied for other universities abroad and i got my dream career but the prob is that ill be leaving him and its for 6 yrs. maybe ill be coming over every year or every 2 years depending on cost aspect. now all of a sudden he is trying to stop me saying he loves me and intends marry me later on. but am quite unsure about that because of his behaviour. but i cant even let him be this way cuz i love him. i have already paid a huge sum of money for my new course and its non refundable. i want to go for my career but i dont want to lose him too. so we have decided to opt for the long distance relationship. but i need advices of how to start with and how to help him and understand him beter because it will b 6 yrs distance and i want to make it work between us though he has made some mistakes in the past.

please help me.

thanks in advance.

Lou

View related questions: long distance, money, university

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (5 April 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntI'm sorry in advance as this is not what you are going to want to hear but I honestly do not think that your relationship is strong enough to last 6 years long distance. You will be entering a new area of your life going off to college and having new experiences and plus there will always be that doubt in the back of your mind asking yourself is he being faithful to you and does he still think of you. He has cheated in the past and has hurt you and I really dont think that long distance will work because of the way he has behaved. Yes he says now he loves you and wants to be with you because he realises that you are leaving.

Is it possible for him to move with you? Or maybe follow you in a year or 2? If you are really serious about the relationship the only way that you can both make it work is to work hard, keep in contact fairly regular and make the effort to visit each other frequently.

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A female reader, Yetilicious United States +, writes (5 April 2011):

Yetilicious agony aunt6 years is a very long time. And you'll only be able to see him once every year or two? There aren't many people who can make a relationship like that work. You should decide what is more important to you, your career/school or this guy?

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