A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with this guy at my work place for more than a year now, our relationship started a few months after I had joined the organisation, from the time we have been going out everything was going on well and I really enjoyed the relationship even though the guy was once married before, we really loved each other and the problems came up when one of our co-workers lost her husband. My boyfriend started befriending this lady soon after the husband's death and their relationship became much closer. I wasn't comfortable with it and I told him about how I felt about it of which he said he was only comforting her. He kept on telling me nothing was going on between them and this went on for about three months until one day when I saw some emails that they have been sending to each other expressing how they love each other. I called my boyfriend as he was away from work and asked him about it, he asked that we meet and discuss the issue. He told me he was sorry, he really loves me and he wasn't serious about the other relationship he only got involved because this lady kept on acting in a way that showed she loves him, he promised to end the relationship and called the lady on her mobile and told her the relationship is over. My problem is I have so much confusion whether he really loves me or not although he asked for another chance, I have a heart break which is failing to heal because every time that I meet this lady reminds me of the story, I don't want my boyfriend to continue communication with this lady in as much as we are workmates. Please help I don't really understand why he went into another relationship when he really loved me, we have actually been planning to get married.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): He had a lot of attention from her which made him feel needed but we all know that meeting someone at that time is very unlikely to last – she is in the middle of getting over a death. However it was emotional infidelity if nothing else and I would treat it as being unfaithful. He betrayed you by sharing emotional closeness with this lady and keeping secrets from you. I would definitely say to him that while I could understand how it happened it made me realise that the relationship with him is not as solid as I would need it to be before getting married. He needs to make up to you somehow. Marriage is a bit of a strange idea at the moment and I would put it off until 100% sure. He owes you a huge heap of effort and remorse.
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