A
female
age
30-35,
*nniedoll
writes:I have recently become concerned about my own behaviour. I have always been a flirt and for the most part my friends partners never seemed to mind - or at least to the point where they've never minded enough to address the issue with me. But it bothers me, and honestly i'm coming to doubt myself. My partner and i are coming up to our four year aniversary and i'd really like to address my habit. For me flirting is liberating, it's fun and it makes me feel sexy and powerful. I have never crossed the boundary from flirty remarks to physical contact and when my partner is around i still flirt to a certain extent but remain either by his side or try to involve him (i.e mentioning him, pointing him out) to the other party. I met a man on new years eve, i enjoyed chatting to him because his career was very similar to that of my partners and something i was considering after graduating from university. He said he'd be happy to give me a few contacts and asked for my number so he could forward my details on to the people we'd been talking about. Later that evening he asked if i wanted to see him again - he has three kids and a wife - i was very shocked. He's sent me text messages since but i've deleted them and not replied. But it's brought me to question my own actions, perhaps i pushed the flirting a little too far? In any case i'd really like any feedback on whats really acceptable, and how i could avoid things like this happening in the future. I adore my boyfriend and we're planning on moving in together, i've been honest with him about the messages and what happened. I'd really like to learn how to avoid this happening in the future, i don't want my boyfriend to feel uncomfortable or undermined because another man feels that it's ok to have an affair, i do not and it makes me feel a little sick thinking about ever betraying my other half in that manner.
View related questions:
affair, flirt, text, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Flirting is advertising that you are potentially available and want a response to indicate potential availability.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Doesn't matter if you are married, single, or attached.
A
female
reader, Anniedoll +, writes (10 January 2011):
Anniedoll is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never saved his number to my phone. I just assumed as he was a friend of my friends father he would just help me gain some contacts in the business i wanted to go into. The university is forever reiterating how important it is to use family and friends to help develop contacts, to me i saw it no differently. I've built and developed the internet network the company i work for (they are an events company and as such much of the business contacts were developed from within a social setting).
I find socialising with new people brilliant fun, and perhaps thats my downfall at the same time. Thank you very much for your feedback so far. It's been really interesting reading other people's opinions on the subject.
...............................
A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 I think the boundary is crossed when the guys you are flirting with actually think you are interested in them. Then, you are playing with their emotions, only to cut them off, which shows a lack of respect.
I understand the need to be recognized or appreciated as a woman, but I think you will be appreciated as a person more if you tone down the flirting and be more reserved. People will then see you are needy and are self-sufficient and will treat you more as a person of substance.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): A bit of light flirting is fun and no problem. But you obviously carry things a bit too far, so as to lead men to think you are after something more. You don't know where to draw the line and it is difficult to tell you as it usually is an instinctive thing. You can tell when to draw back. I think that maybe you do know when you have gone over the top, but get shocked when someone turns around and pursues you. So best to stop all together if you can not judge what going too far.
...............................
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (10 January 2011):
It seems like you gave your number out in good faith in the hope you'd get some work contacts - some may see it as naive though.
You did the right thing to delete his texts and being honest with your partner. Now you should delete that bloke's number too.
Maybe you should rein in your flirting - not completely stop as it seems you're not doing it with the intention of pulling - but be sure to make it clear where the boundaries are.
...............................
A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Thats why flirting can be a dangerous sport you've sent wrong signals to a married man. I don't understand why the need to flirt though if your already taken that kind of thing annoys the crap out of me lmao your fella is either a meh kind of bloke and doesnt care about it or he just dont have the tendancy to break jaws if someone misreads your flirty nature either way it can be harmless if you mean it to be harmless but let it be a lesson to you though not all men read it correctly as harmless flirting with no hidden meaning to it this guy you met during new years eve is a prime example on what can happen when flirting is misread maybe be careful with who you flirt with in the future in can cause problems or just dont flirt no more.
...............................
|
