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What's with his constant stares?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 October 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 3 October 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My husbands friend will always glance and stare at me and I know it doesn't always mean attraction or something just because someone stares but I'm just getting some kind of weird vibe. 

He always looks straight into my eyes, even when we aren't talking or even doing anything he'll just sit and watch me and sometimes he won't even look away when I notice. It makes me nervous and has made me feel kind of awkward around him. I know married men still look etc. but don't they normally look away once caught? 

And another thing is he has never verbally flirted with me which I have seen him do with loads of women even in front of his wife etc. But never me (thank god) but what is going on with the constant stares? And if we're sat together he'll sit really close and when passing me things he'll always make sure our hands touch. 

It feels like he's trying to tell me something even though he hasn't actually. But I don't want to mention it to him in case I am wrong and I end up looking stupid and making a deal out of nothing. He's actually a really nice person to me aswell and I don't want to lose his friendship it's just the staring making me feel wary

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2017):

Unless he is autistic or antisocial, he is checking you out. He's fantasizing about what you look like under your clothes. So yes, he is probably attracted to you, but it is only the basest men who will show their attraction to you in that way. It is also very disrespectful to your husband. I talked to one who did that to me and he turned out to be a huge sex addict who loved strippers and prostitutes. He could barely resist staring at anyone!

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (3 October 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntIf you say you have a friendship with him then surely you can say hey buddy your staring is starting to bug me! I do think you might be reading to much in to it, either that or he is trying to unnerve you, although if he is staring then you must be as well to notice? Talk to him, or ask your husband to have a word.

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom +, writes (2 October 2017):

02DuszJ agony auntFlirting with others is iffy. Flirting in front of his wife is disrespect. And unashamedly trying to start something with another woman- you is beyond disrespect- to his wife, to your husband (his "supposed" friend) and to you- you've done the decent thing and shunned his staring- well done for not taking this as a charming flattery. Because honestly this guy has the charm and personality of a roach.

I agree you should tell your husband. Nice enough as he "appears" you obviously don't really know him, as he's clearly a sleaze. Furthermore it's important to tell him because he could spin your husband a story about how you came onto him, if he tries it and you reject him.

Keep your distance, your defenses up and stay strictly within boundaries- and be careful about drinking too much around him.

Take care

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A female reader, malvern United Kingdom + , writes (2 October 2017):

malvern agony auntHe's playing a game with you, testing you to see how you react. The best thing to do is completely ignore him. This has happened to me in the past and these men are complete jerks. The best thing to do is tell your husband its happening because the man is soon going to back off when he realises that your husband is aware of his behaviour and it's going to make him feel pretty stupid.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2017):

If he's staring then you must be as well as your always by your post noticing this .. and you want us to say Oo yes he's not flirted with you as he likes you more than the girls he flirts with .. ( poor friend and poor wife ) you hardly mention your female friend here .. why don't you ask her why he's doing this .. why not just see your friend on her own . Why not just leave the to their marriage. I mean you want to know if something there -- who knows, I can only guess . But I don't wish to .. as he has a wife .. your friend .. so why not ask her this question . In fact let her read your post and all go from there .

Good luck

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