A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay I'm gonna jump right in and say it. I've fallen in love with a girl!And here's my problem. This girl, we'll call her Rose for the time being, has some serious problems. I met her over the internet and I know that some of you will be like " Dude! Yóu can't fall in love with a girl over the net! Its just not possible!!"And the truth is, I didn't think it was either but it kinda all happened when she opened up to me one day, and told me the worst things that have ever happened to her life, and I think they are important to know before I ask the question.A lot of her family have died. Mostly the people who cared about her, murdered or just taken from her.She's also been raped twice once by a family member and once by a complete stranger.Her ex boyfriends previously have pretty much all used her. For sex or offered her to other guys for drugs. Her brother beats her when he's angry and her mother really doesn't care about her enough to protect her and in a way favours her brother over herand uses her like a slave.Her current boyfriend is with her for a status thing because he sees her like a trophy. She says she doesn't love him anymore and he calls her horrible things like a whore and stuff.She said I'm the only 1 out of 2 people she has ever told any of this. And I also thought this meant she was getting close to me. Almost even getting into me.She also said things like she wanted to make me happy and that I was the only one who cared about her. And she wanted to meet me. I said making her happy made me happy...I had flights all booked and then suddenly out of no where she just starts pushing me away, saying stuff like "meh" "good for you" etc. I dont know what the hell happened. It might have had something to do with me completely letting lose and saying that I loved her and I wanted to help her and save her from the absolute nightmare I'm sure that you will agree that she is living.What I really really want to know is what I should do now. I think she wants to love me, but she has so many issues and if you reallý think about this rationally it doesn't make sense that I love her, she says I don't even know her despite all she's told me. But since when was love rational?I really just want to be her hero, I've seen her cry on webcam and it was just the most heartbreaking thing to see. But she won't even webcam with me anymore and she wants space and stuff. And it really makes me jealous to see her flirting and kind of throwing the word "love" around with other guys as though it doesn't mean anything to her.What the hell am I supposed to do to get through her trust issues?And for those of you who are going to come up with the "get over her" response, I've already tried because I thought this was all just a phase for a while started to try to feel nothing, to almost hating her for hurting me like that, but it doesn't even compare with what she has been through. I'm just really confused right now and I want her to believe so badly that I love her and want to save her and for her to believe that she can give me everything and know I could never break her heart..I just don't know how I could be there for her anymore and give her space at the same time.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 You just have to respect her wishes. In order for you to have any type of relationship, it has to go both ways. If she isn't willing to open up again, or talk about why she's acting this way, then you cannot force her.
The only thing you can do is be her friend and support her as much as you can. If you still have flights booked, I'd see if you can either cancel them or change the date for a later time. If you feel that you love her, then continue to love her despite the fact that she is being a little on the cold side. I know that she will appreciate it in the long run.
Best of luck, and keep us posted on the situation!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Look, ultimately the individual themselves has to work through their issues. If all she has told you is true she will be in a completeley messed up place mentally. Also, she has rejected your visit and you are not happy with the way you've been treated already. I'm not unsympathetic but I wonder if all these things truly have occured or whether she just thrives on gaining sympathy. You could be dealing with someone extremely manipulative.
It is great to want to be someone's knight in shining armour but here it is misplaced. It is not what you want to hear but you do need to let her get on with her life and you need to concentrate on meeting people in the real world. Anything else will start to mess with your head and you just don't need it.
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