A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been engaged for two months and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and am in the middle of planning a wedding. I love him very much. I have never thought about cheating but something crazy happened. I was at a work travel recently for 4 nights and ran into someone I briefly met through work a year ago but didn't know well. Last year he asked me my name and invited my out with other coworkers, i had the feeling he thought i was cute and just wanted to hang. i declined ... but at the recent work meeting we started talking in the evening at a social gathering and really enjoyed each others company. A lot. Nothing was physical but we were insanely drawn to each other And just talked every night for two hours after we went to our own rooms he would call me room phone. He told me he felt really drawn to me and just feels like he wants to know more about me. He said he always thought I was attractive but found it mind blowing how "cool" I was too. I knew we were both already crossing the line (by the way he is married) but for some reason there was insane amount of chemistry to the point where it didn't even feel normal. Anyway... The last day of the meeting ended with a kiss and it was passionate. He called my room again when he was boarding the plane to tell me it's bittersweet he's leaving and that I am special and wishes we met in college or at a different time. He told me wanted to see me again if he comes in town. I basically blew everything he said off and said it probably wont happen we are both in relationships. it's been two weeks now and he only sent me an email to wish me happy 4th . I want so so bad to leave everything that happened behind but it's truly messing with my head. I want to say I regret it but I can't even say that because what happened truly felt like a once in a lifetime thing that couldn't be stopped from happening because of the intensity but i dont ever want it to happen again due to obvious circumstances. I love my fiancé but I find myself thinking of this guy as a fantasy And wondering if ill hear from him. i want to know how to truly put what happened behind me and just move on with my life. What the heck happened? I never thought this would ever happen, I just want my sanity back....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 July 2013):
 You love your fiance but you allowed yourself to get intimate with another man, and now you are day-dreaming like a schoolgirl about being with this man. I dont think you truly 'love' your fiance, you are just fooling yourself that you are happy and want to be with him when in fact you are willing to hurt him so badly just for the sake of a cheap thrill with another man.
You turned this guy down a year ago, so clearly something has changed since you saw him last. Either the idea of marriage is scaring you and deep down you know this is not the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, or you are just bored and want some fun with someone new.
Either way, you are not with the right man. I have just gotten engaged 2 months ago and I can safely say in the 2 years we have been together I've never even looked at another man. The idea of spending hours on the phone to another man, flirting and kissing him makes me feel sick - I could never hurt my fiance like that, it would kill me.
You have done this all so easily without a second thought for your fiance that it shows you dont love him, you dont care about him and you dont respect him either. End your relationship, I know its hard when you have been with him so long but it seems you are only with him through familiarity, not because you love him anymore. If there is 1 man who excites you enough to make you cheat, then there are going to be plenty more. Your fiance is not the right guy for you, he is not the man you should spend the rest of your life with because you are only going to keep on hurting him and he does not deserve that.
Time to be the grown up here, realise what you have done and take ownership for it - fantasies are for schoolgirls and shouldnt have any place in a soon to be married woman's head. Unless its about Gerard Butler of course ; )
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (9 July 2013):
 So basically... You went on a business vacation, and cheated on your soon to be husband. You're thinking about another guy, and not even worried about the effect this news would have on your soon-to-be husband. Can I have your boyfriend's e-mail so that I can break the news to him for you. I wouldn't want him to end up marrying someone who doesn't respect him. He deserves a happy ending, and you obviously aren't the person for him. You should end things with your current boyfriend. He should be the one in your thoughts. Think about it. You guys kiss on your wedding day, and you're going to be picturing the other guy, and saying the other guy's name in bed, and it's going to kill the guy that you're with. Stop being selfish and thinking about yourself. That seems to be a huge issue with a lot of the people on here. I hope that this trend changes soon and that people start thinking about the people that they're currently with. Also, you might want to contact this guy's wife, or at least show her some decency. It's also unfair what you did to her, whether you believe so or not.
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