A
female
age
30-35,
*anatsia
writes:My ex and I have been trying to be friends again. And the one day we went out to movies and coffee. And it really felt like a date because he insisted on paying for everything and taking me home. However the next day he was really distant towards me. I tried to talk to him once or twice after that but it was always the same. Then during december I tried chatting once again. So I said to him it feels like he doesnt want to be friends anymore and I understand that but he has to tell it to me. And he said that he is trying to work things out with me and get our friendship back on track.But after that conversation, he hardly came on IM and if I was on, he would log off. So I stopped trying to talk to him.Then this week he started chatting to me again and has been really friendly towards me and even asked why he hasnt heard from me. The convo we had was kinda flirty and joking around. But I'm confused now.Must I try to chat to him again? Does he want to be friends now or not really?
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male
reader, serferboy  +, writes (3 February 2010):
It sound like he felt you won by breaking up basically. he probably just wanted to feel that he was the one to break up because he made you feel good then gave you the cold shoulder so he felt like he won but he actually wants to still talk to you he just wants to feel like he has control over things
A
female
reader, samehere +, writes (2 February 2010):
 Well, I think he is just feeling the obligation to be nice to you because of the memories you shared at some point. I'd say let him go and move on. If he tries to contact you, be nice to him, however don't build your world around it or hope to hear from him.. just keep on doing what you were doing (I know, easier said than done). Now, you have to stick to one rule: "Never initiate contact". If he wants to talk to you, trust me, he KNOWS how to. He knows where you live, where you work, your phone number, your online contact information... Trust me, he'll be able to find you. So don't worry about trying to create opportunities to be in touch with him..
One last tip... Date other men just for the heck of it. You don't have to share any details or even the concept with him. Exposing yourself to other opportunities out there will make your relationship with your ex healthier, as you will not allow his inconsistency to confuse you anymore - coz it doesn't matter.
Hope this helps.. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 February 2010):
 Could be he isn't sure HOW to be a friend to you, could be he isn't sure how he feels towards you.
Do you have a big need for him as your friend? If not, let it go. I think hanging on to ex's can make new friendship and relationships harder. It's like holding on to something that just didn't work, know what I mean? Doesn't mean you can't be polite and talk from time to time.
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