A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of 14 years about 8 months ago. We grew apart in the way we were doing separate things and we also hadnt had sex for 6 years. He would want sex but I didnt feel close enough to him anymore to want to do such intimate things together, and also I stopped fancying him.So now 8 months later we are both doing our own thing and both have been seeing different people. Life is certainly more interesting and fun for us both and I'm having a great time with my new boyfriend.However, throughout all of this my ex and I have stayed exceptionally good friends. We chat on the phone and text and meet up every 2-3 weeks for a cup of tea and a chat and have a right good laugh and gossip. I still don't fancy him however, at all. But I can't understand fully this connection we seem to have, is this normal? If we don't speak for a while we can easily pick up where we left off and are totally relaxed around one another, even to the point of still farting in front of one another! (Sorry). We have discussed and shared stories about our new partners, and there is no jealousy either side, no bitterness or anything. We are both happy knowing the other one is happy. I don't understand it at all. I fully trust him and can tell him absolutely anything, but I do not fancy him. What is this, a connection of some kind? Then it makes me wonder is my new boyfriend comfortable with me still being friends with my ex? I feel there is absolutely no danger of us getting together at all, but my ex is still very very important to me and we both care about one another an awful lot. My b/f knows I see my ex occasionally but he never asks much, I wonder if hes afraid to ask?I don't want my boyfriend to be uncomfortable with me keeping in touch occasionally with my ex, but it is important to both me and my ex to stay friends. My boyfriend on the other hand, he is lovely. He can be a bit of an idiot at times, like a lot of men, but we can talk about it and make up, and we have a lot of feelings for one another, and one massively, 'massively' important thing for me, an absolute must, is I fancy my boyfriend like crazy! We have regular sex and its thoroughly enjoyable and really special too.But I'm wondering what is this connection/thing with my ex? I would never cheat on my boyfriend, never. Or is it just best friends? Does anyone else have any experience similar?I've never had a connection like this before with anyone other than family, he does feel like family sometimes, but I will say it again I do not fancy him or want to get intimate with him, nothing at all like that. But then again I would be rather uncomfortable if my new boyfriend realised how important my ex is to me, but then again maybe it's because I don't understand or haven't ha this with anyone else before.Please help. I want to stay with my boyfriend, for sure, and I want to stay friends with my ex, is it right to keep both as long as I am 100% sure that my ex will remain my ex?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2014): Lets put the boot on the other foot. Would you mind your boyfriend being so close to his ex of eight years? There's your answer. I think your current boyfriend and ex boyfriend's current girlfriend might be 'tolerating' the situation.
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