A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing a guy - sort of like a very close friends with benefits thing - until I moved to a different state a few months ago. We shared an intense connection but it couldn't go anywhere because of me moving and him not being ready for a commitment after his ex badly hurt him. But we stayed in touch and still have a lot of sex when we see each other. From some things he's been saying lately, I think he will soon be ready for a commitment. Because of the unusual way our relationship has developed, I think we share a very real and unique bond. I love him in a lasting way, regardless of whether we're together or not. If that makes sense.Anyway, I've been seeing a guy I met through work over here for a couple of months or so and he's a really great person. I'm attracted to him, he's really sweet and funny and is showing signs (I think) of wanting a relationship with me (like taking things slow, introducing me to all his friends). I on the other hand seem to be shying away from any kind of commitment with this new guy - I basically haven't even told any of my friends much about him and I'm pretty sure I'm sending him negative signals unconsciously, like if we have a 'moment' that could lead to a kiss I'll automatically look away and start joking about something. One last thing - I finally got out of a bad long term relationship less than a year ago. It was my first really serious relationship and he treated me very badly. I'm now very jumpy with this new guy, wondering if some little thing he does is indicative of one of my ex's bad personality traits (extreme jealousy, possessiveness etc). So what I'm really wondering is whether it sounds like I'm not moving on with the new guy because I truly have feelings and want to be with the first guy I talked about here, or whether I'm not over some issues from my ex and that's what's stopping me from moving on?
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (14 July 2009):
 i think it could be a mixture of the both.
i mean you are finding it difficult to commit to this guy because you are afraid that he'll end up like your ex which is understandable but you won't know unless you take that chance!
also you are hoping to get with your FWB's guy as you feel he maybe more into commitment now and because you and him share such a unique and special bond you feel this could be your destiny in a way may sound soppy but i think that's what you feel.
you are afraid to let this new guy close to you because last time you did they turned out to be possessive and what not.
but with your FWB's it wasn't close as in a relationship it was just close sexually and i think in some ways you are still afraid to let anyone get close to your heart should they turn out to change in an instant click.
you shouldn't be afraid you should feel stronger within yourself! take the chance and go for it with the new guy otherwise you'll never know what this relationship could of been. This could be something extremley special and unique also.
Hope this helps hun message me you want to talk further :)
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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