A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey thereMy question is divided into 4 parts.I was wondering what actually is smothering your partner? Why it is bad and how to differentiate between smothering and being available for her? Also, I understand that still most women wait on guys to contact them/be first to call especially while dating in such cases what is acceptable behaviour which isn't smothering?Further, suppose you feel that you are smothering your partner, what is the best way to tackle such situations that you get her attention and interest back in you? How long should you wait to contact again?Lastly, it's natural wanting to be with your partner and spend time with them. You tend to miss their company and I am not a person who likes to hold back feelings, in such cases, what should be done ? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Delirium  +, writes (20 January 2015):
 Smothering means that something is overwhelming. It could be anything really, texting too much or too often, being too "touchy-feely" (example: if you are a very physical oriented person; hugging, hand holding, etc. and she isn't that can be overwhelming), being very quick to jump into talking about feelings and where the relationship is headed, buying gifts, and so on. I'm assuming that you are asking because at some point someone told you that you were smothering them. You would have to think back to what complaints came up during that time. Maybe you texted her a lot and she made little comments about much you texted, or maybe there were no complaints about texting but she complained about how you two were always hanging out together and she felt like she didn't get enough alone time. It's also possible that she said you were smothering her because she was looking for something casual and when she found out you were more interested in a serious relationship she felt like backing away. Smothering is relative to the stage of the relationship. You wouldn't expect to buy someone an expensive necklace on the first date right? So you will have to use your best judgement as to how far along the relationship is and act accordingly. Everyone is different and there is no concrete time frame to not come across as overwhelming. If you are talking to a girl and she seems distant, stand off-ish, or doesn't match your enthusiasm then that would be a good sign to tone it down.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (20 January 2015):
 HI OP,Smothering is pretty much something everyone does at first when the fall in love. You just can't get enough of that person, and want to be around them all the time. However, there are a few things that can cripple a new relationship faster than you can get it started.1) Jealousy...No matter how much you love her, remember she had a life before you. If she has guy friends, you have no right to be jealous if she hugs them, talks to them, or want the both of you to hang out with them. Spending time with her does not mean you and her alone...all the time. That will drive her nuts fast.2) Nagging...If she says she cannot see you for whatever reason, don't start saying "but how come. Please can we just meet for a few minutes. Oh come on please." You can tell where that will end up.3) HAVE REALLY BIG EARS!!! When a woman says you are doing something wrong...LISTEN!!! Even if you are not doing anything wrong...LISTEN!!! THINK before you speak. Look at what you did...think about it...was it wrong...Yes...fix it. Was it wrong...NO...ask her to explain why she though it was wrong, and then explain yourself. This is not being weak as most men would think. It is learning how to humble yourself, and to make wise decisions. Which brings me to number four.4) ALWAYS, and I do mean ALWAYS...control you temper. There has never been an argument that has solve any problem, in any relationship, at any time in history. If anyone tells you that to have a healthy relationship you must argue...walk away as fast as you can...why???...You tell me one problem in life that has been solve by arguing? Tell me how many marriages have failed because of too many arguments?5) Treat her the way you want to be treated...I think that explains itself.6) The best gifts to give someone you love cannot be bought in stores....Respect, love, laughter, kindness, caring for her and others, sharing, and simply giving.Smothering wears off over time...but the lack of the other things I mention will make or break any relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (20 January 2015):
 I personally believe the term 'smoothering' is used only in a relationship where feelings are not mutual. There are days when my boyfriend and I are together all day long, we text, talk non-stop. Neither of us feels like it's smoothering or losing our freedom. Then there are days where we barely have time for a quick Hi & Bye. Random short texts through out the day is not smoothering.
However, if your feelings are not mutual, then there is a big chance that someone will feel like there's too much contact, feels suffocated, and wants space.
You will find the right balance with the right girl.
...............................
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (19 January 2015):
Well, everyone has different thoughts and boundaries so I will just give you my take.
Smothering is calling and texting a lot, such as when she is at work, sleeping, relaxing or out with friends. It's wanting to know where they are all the time. It is expecting them to spend all their free time with you, rather than spending time with friends or family. It is bad because it makes people get tired of you, stifles their independence, and wears out your welcome.
What should you do? In your situation it sounds like you need to back off. WAY off. Will you miss her? Sure. What do you do about that? Suck it up.
Given the limited information we have, it is entirely possible she is no longer interested in the relationship. You must give her the freedom to decide for herself, without pressure.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (19 January 2015):
 Smothering means too much talking or spending time with your partner and not allowing them alone time or time with family and friends. It depends on the person. I myself like a smothering relationship. I also like discussing feelings and where we stand very early on.
I could care less about rules. If it takes too long for a person to be equally interested in me then I am on to the next one. You don't want a girl to get weirded out if you expressed feelings. You should do what feels right to you and see who's compatible with you.
If you have been friendzoned, then smothering means stop pursuing because she's not interested. I doubt if any girl who's crazy about you would worry about being smothered.
...............................
|
