A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It seems like nothing is ever simple for me when it comes to guys. Last year, this guy and I became acquaintances at school. We sat at the same lunch table and sometimes we would talk to each other. We said hi to each other in the hallways every now and then. That was all. Things are a bit different this year. Earlier this year, I was looking for a date for our winter formal. I really didn't know who to ask, and then I remembered him from last year. He was really nice then, and he always seemed like a decent guy who wouldn't try to play a girl, so I figured that there would be no harm in asking him. I did ask him at his locker one day in the first week of November, and he told me no because he was going with his girlfriend and said he was sorry. I was cool with it because I figured that I could always find someone else to ask. Later that night, a random number texted me, and it turned out to be him. I guess someone gave him my number. He apologized for rejecting me like that, and we started talking and getting to know each other more. I thought he wouldn't text me again after that, but he texted me again the next day. We've been texting or calling each other almost every day since that day in November, and we've definitely gotten closer over time. At first we were just trying to find common interests, but then our conversations started getting a bit personal. We talk about his girlfriend a lot. They've been together for a year and a half, and he's always saying how she didn't call him back, or how she doesn't want to hang out with him, or how she doesn't want to come to our winter formal. Despite all of this, he still loves her. He bought her roses and chocolate the other day for no reason. I told him before that she doesn't care about him as much as he cares about her, and he should just break up with her instead of putting up with her crap because it's not fair to him and he doesn't deserve that. He got upset when I said that. The next day, he said he wasn't mad at me and that I just need to watch what I say. After that, he stopped eating lunch with his friends, and he now sits with my friend and I every day. My friend can definitely tell that he has feelings for me, but I'm not so sure. After all, he has a girlfriend. However, there are certain things that he says or does that make it seem like he is flirting with me. Sometimes it seems really weird, especially since he has a girlfriend. He asked me to burn a CD for him, and he listens to it every chance he gets. One day he called me and said he was walking by my house, and he wanted me to come outside to say hi to him. He told me he might be moving to Indiana, and he said if he does move there and if I would want to go to college there, I could live with him. On the day we got out for Christmas vacation, he didn't walk home the way he normally does because he wanted to walk me home. When we were by my house, he gave me a goodbye hug. We were texting each other that afternoon, and he said I was his best friend. On Christmas Eve, we were texting again, and we were talking about my dating life and the fact that I've never had a boyfriend. This was not the first time that we talked about this topic. This time he said that if anything would happen between him and his girlfriend, he would be there. So I assume that means he would be there for me to date. He also compliments me all the time. I'm not sure what his deal is. I've been rejected a lot, so I'm trying to keep my guard up against him because I don't want him to hurt me. I'm kind of afraid to put too much trust into a guy now because of past experiences I've had. Maybe he does like me, or maybe I'm just looking into this too much, and he only likes me as a friend. I really don't know. It seems like he's going a bit overboard, especially since we've only been really talking regularly for about two months. At first I was only interested in being his friend especially because he has a girlfriend, but now I'm starting to develop feelings for him. I just can't help it. It seems like the more I try to tell myself I don't like him that way, the more I start liking him, and I know I can't have him. So I was hoping you guys could tell me what his deal is because I cannot figure it out at this point. I'm just really confused about his feelings. Thanks in advance! :)
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male
reader, JTL +, writes (3 January 2010):
Sounds like you guys are really close friends but I saw a red flag when he said "if anything would happen between him and his girlfriend, he would be there." In my opinion you should not let him use you like that. And in my opinion thats just what he's doing...using you. If/when he and his girlfriend go through rough patches or break up it sounds like he's lined you up to take his mind of the pain/rejection. It may feel like a real relationship to you, but he'll still be dealing with feelings for the ex. Trust me, it SUCKS. He has to get COMPLETELY over her FIRST or you are being set up to get hurt when he decides to get back with his ex, which many times is what happens in that type of relationship. (if you couldn't tell, this recently happened to me and I still have heartache over this girl because she left what I thought was a great relationship to get back with the ex)
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