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What is a tactful way to introduce people without looking like a match-maker?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 January 2012) 2 Answers - (Newest, 8 January 2012)
A age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I'm not sure if this is a problem or if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I met a guy a few months ago via a social group that I joined when I moved. He was very warm, very kind, and later sent me a message from his personal email and that is how I know his surname and can tell he is of Armenian descent.

I also recently met another person, a woman who is also of Armenian descent (half anyway). Today I mentioned I knew an Armenian guy and she seemed rather interested. She wanted the run-down, is he good looking?, how old is he?, is he straight?, etc. She said, "Just tell him you know an Armenian girl"

My intuition tells me this is a bad idea. I don't know this guy all that well, but I get the sense that he isn't going to warm to someone just because they are Armenian (he seems pretty Americanized). He seems like a pretty sharp guy and I just don't want to come across as a match maker. My current plan is to extend an invitation to her the next time we meet up and let her come sniff him out herself. I just hope it doesn't seem as if I'm trying to pimp him out to Armenian women. Is there a better way to handle this?

I have to admit, I had a bit of a crush on him when I first met him. I'm no longer hot and bothered about him though I still find him attractive and interesting. I also have to admit that sometimes when I meet a guy I have a thing for and don't have the confidence to chase him, I hide behind other women. I might hang out with an attractive female friend when I meet them and this always tends to make me feel more comfortable. I did this a lot in my 20s. It sounds juvenile and maybe this is what's bothering me...not the tact thing. Advice on that issue is welcome too.

View related questions: confidence, crush

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 January 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI think your plan to let her tag along next time is the right thing to do. Just ask him first if he minds if you bring a friend. Don't go into details, if they hit it off, good if not.. no loss.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (8 January 2012):

Ciar agony auntI suggest you make no introductions and say nothing more to her about it, or him, unless she specifically brings it up. If she does simply tell her you're not a match maker. Keep it casual, but be clear and brief. Then move on to another topic of conversation.

I have a friend who has asked the same of me. I handled it the way I suggested to you and nothing more came of it.

Like you, I thought it was premature to be making such introductions, even if you were so inclined. For one thing you don't know either of these people well enough to offer character references and it was a bit forward of the woman to ask. Even if you hadn't come out and said it, she should have understood that you may have had your own designs on him.

Apart from that the whole point of emigrating to a new country is to leave home and start a new life, not bring the village with you. One should not assume, as you've correctly pointed out, that people always want to date one of their own.

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