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What guy wants an insecure fat girl when he can have a beautiful skinny girl?

Tagged as: Dating, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 April 2013) 12 Answers - (Newest, 8 April 2013)
A female United States age 22-25, *achelmariexx writes:

So I am quite embarrassed to post my situation here, but I would like to get opinions about my problem.

I am 19 years old and being completely honest here, I have never had a boyfriend or even a good guy friend for that matter. I am also overweight. I understand how bad being overweight is so I have been working really hard at losing weight and have been making improvement. It can be a slow process though.

I feel that my weight plays a huge role for me not finding a guy. I hate to be so negative about it but I mean why would any guy want to be with an overweight insecure girl like me when they could have a beautiful skinny girl?

I was picked on and made fun of a lot in High school about my weight and my looks. I feel like I have an okay face, but my weight has definitely been a huge problem through out all of my life, I feel horrible. I feel like my body is just disgusting and even when I do lose some weight, it will still not be enough and I will still not be at a normal weight.

I apologize if this offends anyone and I am not a judgemental person at all, but I feel as if overweight people like me are constantly judged, especially girls. I mean, it's the truth. Society today is so obsessed with looks and everyone is always compared and judged upon. I just feel as if I will never be good enough for a guy to like me for who I am. I feel like all he will truly see is a fat girl. Most guys out there want a pretty and skinny girl, nobody would ever be attracted to me.

I apologize for this being such a negative post, I just wanted to express how I am truly feeling. I am making changes about my weight, I'm trying really hard to become more healthier, but being 19 I really just want a nice guy in my life for once or even maybe a boyfriend and I feel like that will just never happen.

Hopefully someone can relate to this.

Any opinions on what I should do?


View related questions: insecure, never had a boyfriend, overweight

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013):

You mention your weight a bit here.

Get yourself on a strict diet w/no excuses to back out of it. You take vitamins for women. It will help your body adjust. I too was a heavy set, but you have to wake up one day & change it,keep at it,push it.

W/the matter of wanting a "boyfriend".

You can NEVER HAVE THAT w/your insecurities and outlook of yourself.

Hold your head high and bless the people who curse you.

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A female reader, MsSadie United States +, writes (7 April 2013):

MsSadie agony auntPlain and simple, guys take advantage of and/or don't like girls with low self-esteem. You, my dear, have low self-esteem.

If losing weight is what will help you feel better about yourself, then continue working towards a healthier body. But at the end of the day, it all comes down to the wise words of Rupaul: if you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?

Take the measures necessary to feel better about yourself and more confident in your own skin. Buy a spankin' new wardrobe and makeup; do something different with your hair;read the words of strong, confident women; go out more and walk around with your head held high, shoulders back, and a smile on your face.

And maybe get some therapy, too, so that you can learn to stop feeling so sorry for yourself.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013):

I'm 20 and overweight. However I have a long term boyfriend of three years and have had many previous boyfriends and get a lot of attention from men.

Personally, I think it is all down to confidence and being happy within your own skin. Who can love someone who isn't happy with themselves.

Around a year ago, I felt really unhappy about my looks and I started to do something about it.

Exercise classes and videos and I managed to lose a stone (then I got ill and stopped, whoops!). Whilst being ill, I stumbled on this site which has given me an unreal amount of body confidence.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (7 April 2013):

When I was your age I was the heaviest I've ever been in my entire life. I was very self conscious about it and I basically had a heart attack when the guy I had a crush on waved and said hi to me. We'd always gotten along well, but I thought I would be a total turn-off to him. Turns out, it didn't matter at all. He didn't treat me any differently and he didn't once make a comment about my weight, going as far as to say I looked good.

Look, us girls, we can be very critical of one another. We all want to look like supermodels, but that's not the preference of every guy. Guys tend to like having a bit of meat to grope. Seeing bones is a turnoff to many of them. It also depends on how comfortable a gal is in her body. A friend of mine is pretty heavy, but she knows how to dress for her body and she walks with confidence. Because of that, she gets loads of attention from guys.

I know what it's like to loathe your body. I too was bullied in school, pretty severely in fact. People called me ugly all the time. There was this cartoon going around about someone named 'Remi' who was 'all alone in the world'. Well, I was soon called Remi by everyone. Even the teachers. That didn't help much with my self esteem. It took me quite a while to build it back up again, but it makes such a big difference.

Look, when guys touch you, they don't want you to cringe with self loathing. They think you're beautiful and they want you to feel beautiful too. I think it would be good to get some counseling to help you deal with your self esteem issues. I know there's a big stigma attached to it, but from my own experience it helped a lot. You've got someone in your corner to give you the tools to build your confidence. I'm no longer at war with my body. I actually like the way I look now and I'm not insecure anymore.

Try to be healthy, instead of thin. Build muscle to streamline your body and give it enough nutrients. If you crash diet, you'll end up looking terrible. Trust me, I know.

Also, not having had a bf at 19 is nothing to be ashamed of. You'd be surprised how many people are still virgins at that age!

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A female reader, largentsgirl89 United States +, writes (7 April 2013):

largentsgirl89 agony auntPerhaps your weight isn't the problem, you don't sound very happy with yourself and before you can be happy with someone else, you need to be happy with yourself.

So perhaps until you are at the point of happiness with yourself, hold off on getting a boyfriend.

I am overweight too. Two children and a whole lot of junk food later. I am not with my boyfriend right now because neither one of us are happy. We are working on ourselves before we work on us.

Make you happy. Find out what you need to do to make you happy all by yourself. Because it's your job to make you happy, not some guy.

And most real men that I know, don't like skinny women. They say it's gross sleeping with them because there is nothing to hold on to, nothing to grab or watch bounce.

The right guy will come a long, when you are ready for him. Until that time comes, be comfortable with who you are and concentrate on you.

Good luck!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013):

Yes, may be personality will attract one , or may be couple boys, but you do realize that fat is not healthy. Men and women are attracted to health.

This is considered to be beatiful. No one likes super skinny, no one likes fat , because it's not healthy. That's what nature took care of. I'm not skiny, nor overweight.

I'm 135 lb at 5.4, also I'm twice older than you. I'm working to stay like this really hard, believe me .

when I was 19 I was 115 lb. with metabolism working hard this what a teenage girl should weigh. I gained 20 lb after having children.

At your age you are supposed to be thin, that's how nature intended, and what's happening with your body is not healthy. Of course you can listen to those who talk about inner beauty, good luck with that. You are on a right track, don't give up. You will get to a normal weight, and life will change for you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013):

I'm a bit overweight myself, and not that good looking, but I don't think it's too bad; my stomach isn't massive, but my thighs are pretty big . But anyways, I've personally never had a problem with getting guys attention, or getting a boyfriend.I think it's about confidence, if you try to act happy, bubbly and outgoing then that's going to be more appealing to any guy, rather than a girl just fidgeting looking anxious and shy. Go shopping and buy clothes you feel happy in, which flatter your body shape. Treat yourself to a new hair cut or style, and keep on working out at the gym. :) Learn to love parts of yourself, and then others will love you too :) Besides, no one wants to hug someone with no meat on their bones :P

Good Luck ^_^

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A female reader, Euphoric29 Germany +, writes (7 April 2013):

Dear OP,

I agree that it might be harder for you to find a boyfriend, but it's possible. Also, there are men who prefer curvy women.

One of my friends is really overweight and she met a great, caring guy online. He's overweight as well and although she first didn't feel much attraction towards him, she now does, because he was such a fun person to be around - and they're having such a great time now! Besides, she's not the only overweighted woman I know who is happily in love :) So, keep up the hope and don't get desperate.

Maybe if you accept a man who has a similar weight, you might find it easier to find a boyfriend. An overweight man might also understand what you have gone through in terms of bullying and could be a great companion.

Please always remember that you are a precious human being, no matter how you're shaped. Maybe not all people can see your beauty, but you should be your best friend and not think bad about yourself because of this.

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A male reader, Cerberus_Raphael Sweden +, writes (6 April 2013):

Cerberus_Raphael agony auntBe strong, you are a woman with a sweet heart and you need not heed the negative words of others. I know you must have heard this already but, never listen to them when they sneer or mock you, theirs are but the words of people more afraid than yourself. At your age, we are still victims of self-doubts and insecurities. Exercise, be healthy only because you want to and not because you think others will cease mocking you. And don't doubt that boys will every want you just because of these superficial flaws you think you have. I know for a fact there are boys aplenty who genuinely only care about inner beauty. Attraction is about using what you have, that is why confidence is attractive no matter what.

Be healthy, be beautiful, but most importantly, be happy.

I hope that helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013):

Sweetie! I totally understand where you're coming from... but please don't be so down on yourself. I was picked on in school too, for being tall and skinny. I guess there is no body type that escapes bullying. Every woman is insecure about her body, no matter how other people perceive them. I think it's great that you are trying to get healthy, but it should be for the right reasons. Your motivation should be doing something for yourself, rather than trying to please men. I honestly do believe that beauty comes from within, and there is someone out there for everyone. You're only 19 and there are so many great people out there in the world to meet. Be confident in your own skin! You will meet someone special who loves you for who you are :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013):

I'm sorry you are feeling so down, but I will have to agree with most of what you have said. I am female and I'm 5' 5" tall and 125 pounds. However, I was not this size in high school. I weighed about 20 pounds more, and did not get the attention that I get now.

Men do like fit women. With fitness, in most cases, comes confidence. Men like confident women. I started running and taking better care of myself. It really became more about being healthy than it did about being thin. I feel energized and confident now that I'm thinner. Men do not necessarily look for perfection, but they do want a woman that take care of themselves. I have found this with most every man that I have been with, and continue to find that to be the case. You obviously are not happy with yourself, so make the necessary changes until you are happy. Once you find happiness within yourself, other things will fall into place.

Good luck to you.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (6 April 2013):

chigirl agony auntWhat guy wants an insecure fat girl when he can have a beautiful skinny girl?

A man who is in love will take his girl no matter what she looks like. He might like them round and curvy, but if he falls in love with a stick he'll want that stick. He might like them thin and flat chested, but when he falls in love with a curvy girl with a whole lot of woman that'll be exactly what he wants.

My boyfriend enjoys small petite breasts. Yet on me he likes to see cleavage and finds it gorgeous and erotic. He never fancied it on anyone else, but on me he loves it, and welcomes more if I was to gain weight.

I enjoy a nice well built tall man, my boyfriend is the same height as me and almost has a thinner waist than me, but I'm sooo attracted to him. Because it's him. I love him, and if that's what my love looks like then that's what I want.

People fall in love with personality. Personality isn't dependent on weight.

I know several women who are overweight and most of them are married already.

You're young, 19 is no age at all to start wondering why you "never" had a boyfriend. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 18. Was skinny like a stick back then too. I'm still thin, but finally starting to gain some weight. So believe me.. looks have nothing to do with it.

Besides, when I look at the wedding pictures in the newspaper they all seem to carry extra weight. My theory is that the chubbier ladies get married first. Don't know why, but I'm leaning to think men do like a handful more than a stick!

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