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What exactly does "passionate sex" mean?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 August 2012) 9 Answers - (Newest, 6 April 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi Everyone!

So im seeing this new guy who is 8 years older then me,i am in my early 20's.Were getting on great and really enjoy being in eachothers company. The only thing that i am really worried about will be when it comes to our first time sex.

We have had our discussions and he told me that he likes passionate sex. I am not all that experienced when it comes sex and i am freaking out about it because i have no idea what he means. I am scared hes expecting me to be some goddess that would ride him until the sun comes up but i don't even know how straddle properly,i know i am awlful at it!

Previous relationships i have been in, EVERY guy has cheated on me, so i put it down to me obviously being so bad in bed. I have never ever climaxed during sex either and i have always put a guys needs before mine so i don't understand where i could be going wrong. I am really stressing about it because for the first time in my life i have found a guy thats treating me in a way i would only ever dream about and i am so scared i will mess it up from the first time we make love!

Can anyone give me some suggestions or any similar experiences they have had? Any maybe a more in depth definiton about what "passionate sex" means?

View related questions: cheated on me

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2017):

No one ever cheated on you because you maybe could have been better in bed. People, not just men, cheat because they don't respect the boundaries set by their relationships.

Some go into it knowing they won't respect them, some slowly cross lines they deem little (talking about a slightly to intimate topic with someone they shouldn't, hugging a little too long or small touches, etc.) some stop caring for one reason or another, the reasons go on. But almost never for the reason you gave and it was definitely not that reason in your cheating cases.

As for the passion, I agree with the others that you should discuss what EACH other enjoys before engaging in sex. What you both like and want, not just him. At least in a basic sense but more than just "passionate sex". It might seem awkward in the moment but it's definitely going to be worth it in the end. Have fun and stay safe.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (2 August 2012):

chigirl agony auntGood sex needs two partners who are into each others. Your exes didn't cheat because you were bad in bed or something. People cheat because they are cheaters, basically. Or because their relationship is already over and they are too chicken to end it officially. Cheating is a way of breaking up.

As for passionate sex.. well, I love that too. In fact it's the only form of sex I enjoy. Maybe it's best if I describe it to you. Sex without passion = you're laying still on the matress, and he feels like a fish on land flopping in smasm over you. The kisses feel awkward, and neither of you want to face one another.

Passionate sex = He's so hot you can't keep your hands off him, and he's so turned on he can't wait until you're out of your clothes, so presses you up against the nearest wall and takes you right then and there.

In passionate sex you never have to wonder if you can ride properly, you never wonder where you should put your hands, you never wonder how you look. In passionate sex you just feel horny, about to burst, can't get enough of him, need to grab, touch, like, taste, nibble and kiss everything, sweat is running down your back and you try to catch your breath. That's passionate sex. Passionate sex = good sex. No matter what position, no matter if you do this or that "wrong", no matter if you're experienced or not.

My last boyfriend was a complete virgin. No making out, never seen a girl naked etc. But he turned me on so bad, he was so hot and sex that I could barely hold myself together. And he felt the same for me, he felt "greedy" as he put it. Couldn't get enough. First time we had sex I don't know if he did the "right" things according to the book or not. I just know that I loved his touch on me, it didn't matter HOW he touched me, just him touchging me was enough to make me want more and more. It was passionate sex. And sure, I accidentally hurt him a few times by riding too hard, or too fast. But it was still passionate.

Passionate isn't about the lenght you are going at it. Passionate sex can last 3-5 minutes. It can last 2 hours. Doesn't matter. Passionate sex can be a steamy handjob even.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (2 August 2012):

DoubleM agony auntMy response to this can only be my personal one. Passionate sex, to me, means being very loving and caring about each other, and making sure that the partner is satisfied. Then, after, sharing a loving embrace as we fall asleep. It happens best, in my opinion, when two are very much in love and unified as one, as in a marriage - or at least very faithful and committed.

Well, that's a hard thing to find, or to create. Many years of faithfully sharing life's experiences - including both joy and disappointment - may be required.

Passion may mean something else to others.

And not all men cheat - I didn't during 20 years of marriage, nor as a committed boyfriend - though not all relationships were of a committed sort. For me, relationships have usually been an attempt to establish an enduring commitment and love as partners in life. Rarely does that work out.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (1 August 2012):

person12345 agony auntAlmost no guy cheats because his girlfriend is bad in bed. They cheat because they like the sense of power, because they are being "neglected" emotionally, because they need to feed their egos, there are many mental/emotional reasons but bad in bed is pretty much never it.

As someone else said, sacrificing your own pleasure all the time is a big turn OFF. It comes off as very insecure, unsure of yourself, and unconfident. Most men like a woman with confidence, who knows what she wants and goes for it. The best sex either me or my boyfriend have had are the ones where we BOTH get what we want and wind up satisfied. The ones where I pleasure him exclusively rarely are as good. It's weird feeling to have someone devoting themselves to you that thoroughly.

I'm almost 100% certain that getting that confidence where you can ask for what you want in bed and go for it will be what attracts more faithful guys AND makes you better in bed. Sex goddess doesn't mean you are pleasuring him, it means you are comfortable with yourself and your sexuality. The only times my boyfriend ever uses that term "sex goddess" is when I take charge and am satisfied at the end, and never when I spend the whole time worrying about him.

When a woman is constantly worried about how good she is in bed, it will show. Your posture, the way you hold yourself, all of that is a major turn off. When you do have sex, try to worry less about how you look to him and how he's feeling and more about how you are going to be satisfied and the sex will almost certainly be better.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (1 August 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI suggest that you print out a copy of this submittal.... show it to your new guy.... since: "...(We're) getting on great and really enjoy being in eachothers company...." which implies that you can speak about such a matter with him, and expect an adult, concerned-guy reply....

Say to him: "I know that we would like to share nik-nik... but I want you to know that I'm pensive about it.... and (so) let's make sure that it's dynamite for BOTH of us... and that might mean that you have to be especially accomodating for me.... OK, Hunky-Punky????"

That should work...

P.S. If it doesn't (work), then you may chalk it up to this guy being a jerk, just like those in the past... and, so, you're better off without him!!!!

Good luck...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012):

Men don't cheat because you're "bad in bed". Men cheat for multiple other reasons. I've cheated on highly sexual and even hyper-sexual girlfriends. My last ex would have sex anytime and anyplace - and do anything with me! We had an amazing sex life, but I still had the urge to cheat from time to time. It was mainly about ego and diversity. Nothing else...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012):

'i always put their needs before my own' That's where you're going wrong.. your needs are just as important!

Not every girl will climax from penetrative sex. In fact it's quite rare.

Include lots of kissing, touching, cuddling and foreplay and build up to sex.. passionate sex is exactly that, build up, and long, drawn out love making!

If you are comfortable enough to be thinking of having sex with this guy, and if he is as nice as you say he is, he won't mind one bit if you ask him for a little guidence! We all have to learn somewhere!

Good luck :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012):

Men cheat because they seek more adventure, lust, or diversity with sexual partners. I’ve cheated in the past because I have no problem picking up women and I’m also very sexually adventurous. I have cheated on people that were incredible girlfriends – perfect package – highly educated, beautiful, athletic, compassionate and loving. The people that I cheated on them with were usually well below their standards and ideal. I cheated with less attractive and educated women, a wannabe hooker with a fetish of me paying her for sex, several married women, and even very questionable people; such as women who might be involved in heavy drug use, or other bad situations. Cheating is a rush. I’m an adrenaline junkie by nature; so I’ve done it in the past for the rush, for the diversity of women and sex, and out of boredom, or due to relationship issues (non sex related).

As for passion, it depends on the person. Passion for me; means intense feelings of emotion and love/interest in my partner. I can’t have passionate sex with a one night stand; but I can with someone that I truly love and admire.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (1 August 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntmen do not cheat because you are bad in bed... get that idea out of your head.

everyone's idea of passion will be different... if you want to know what he means you will need to ask him...

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