A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So there's this guy who I was initially just friends with and at the time I was with someone else who he doesn't particularly like so when he found out we were together he kinda pulled away from me to avoid conflicts between them. After my breakup we started talking again only flirty now. We've been on a few dates, we did fool around a little early on but we talked about it afterwards and I made it clear I didn't want that to be all we would be and he said that was fine with him and things was great afterwards however now I feel like we've reached a point of stagnationAt first we texted each other first equally only now I feel like he expects me to text him first and if I don't, we can do days without talking or in person he'll ask why I haven't texted him lately but still won't text me first. When we are talking he's his usual sweet self (flirts, calls me love etc) so his personality hasn't change but I just feel like I'm always the one trying. We were joking around the other day and I called myself needy and he agreed but said he didn't mind and he had me but now I'm wondering should I pull it back some and wait for him to take the lead or will that make him think I've lost interest? How do you bring up the conversation on where things stand between you? I feel like if I don't bring it up he'll just keep it casual,either fwb or even just friends, and I want more I just don't know how to let him know I do without seeming like I'm pushing things.
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male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (12 January 2014):
 I think you need to just have it out with him because you are hedging around each other and that is why you are stagnating, I think he took what you said as you saying your not interested. He obviously carried a candle for you but respectfully kept his distance during your previous relationship which he deserves kudos for.
I dont think pulling back is a good idea here, its playing these little kind of games that makes small distance into bigger ones. All you will do is just confirm him in his view that your not actually interested. I can tell your both scared of taking the plunge but look at it this way, what have you got more to lose from? Saying nothing means you miss out on a fantastic possibility with a guy you like. Saying something and being wrong might be awkward at first but you still have a fantastic friend.
Stop dancing around each other. Come out with it. Tell him you need to meet in person and just come out with it, its the only way, blunt is best because its clearest. Good luck.
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