A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of a year ended our relationship over things I've done. I feel like a part of my soul has been taken. She has given me chance after chance, and I've blown it each time. All I need is for a fresh start, and one more chance to prove that I'll be the man she wants and needs. I leave for the Marine Corps in January. I need to show her I'm worth waiting for. Right now she has made it clear that its probably hopeless for her return, but she agreed to come and talk to me. She has a 3 year old little boy from a previous marriage, and he still calls me daddy when he sees me. Needless to say, I love him just as much as I do her. She had a few relationships that lasted no longer than a month, after her marriage. She said that something about me made her feel as if she could commit again and love again. I did this to myself, and I would wall through the pits of hell alone just to prove I'll be better and never ever do anything stupid again. I need to know what to do when I see her. What do I say. Dear Cupid, you've never failed me with advice, and right now I may be asking for a miracle, but with the help of you, and the good lord, I believe I can get this where it needs to be. I'll do anything. Please guys. I need you.
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2012):
 Dear OP,
Ya know we don't mean to discourage you, but here at DC we are about honesty and the honest fact is that you screwed up for many reasons.
Let's look at your follow ups:
First you say you are joining the marines. This is not quite right since you come back and update us with the fact that it’s the reservists. So right away you lose credibility with ME and I don’t even know you. I can imagine that there are other things you present IRL that are not quite full truths and perhaps this is part of the issue.
Secondly you say “I’m done” and shortly after you come back… so again it is probably your personality to react emotionally quickly, then regret your actions (not uncommon). However this may be part of the problem with your young lady.
Your last follow up gives me way more information… Now I’m not sure since your GF has a 3 yr old how old she is, if she’s 18 she had him very young (even if she’s 21 she had him very young) or if she is a few years older than you… but either way she has a CHILD and she’s being responsible for him as best she can.
The fact that you are willing to break a contract with the federal government for enlistment does not indicate a mad love for her but rather lack of follow-through and responsibility on your part. It’s immature to even entertain that idea.
“If it meant walking through he** alone, a thousand times. Consider it done.” OH SPARE ME THE DRAMA! You my young man are a drama queen….
You say you have to show her you are different. Well that’s all well and good on paper but the truth is you do have to prove it… and she may not want to see it and that’s her right especially if she gave you multiple chances and you blew it with her over and over in the past… what makes you think even if you have really changed (and just changing your mind is not enough… actions are what matter) that she is going to want you back after your past history. You make a lot of assumptions on her part that she’s willing to take you back even if you have changed. It may be too late with her.
YOU are very very young… she asked you to move in with her and you declined. Clearly you know in your heart you are not ready for such a big step…
We are not discouraging you we are being realistic… and you are not… you are pipe dreaming..
And you are all over the place with your feelings.
Since you are not really joining the marines and won't be away from her... perhaps you do have the chance to prove to her you have changed.
but that will be up to her to take a risk on your word.
best of luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know. I have had a change of heart. If it meant breaking my enlistment. Consider it done. If it meant walking through he** alone, a thousand times. Consider it done. I have made ignorant and arrogant decisions in my past. The thing is, our relationship is over. And by that, I mean that our past one is over. I've got to show her that I am different, and that I do care about her, and her son. Maybe I took things for granted but let me tell you all one thing, if I had it to do over... I would correct my wrongs and make sure she never cried over me. I would have put that ring on her finger to show her my commitment. I would have moved in with her when she asked, instead of being a grandmas boy. Yeah, I would do a lot different. I came here asking for help. All I got was discouragement. Thank you all!
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (29 November 2012):
 Why is it that you think you'll be different this time? That you won't blow another chance she might give you? Has something happened, other than you missing her? Have you really changed/ been to counselling/ had an epiphany? If you have genuinely, honestly changed your ways then that is what you tell her and better still, demonstrate to her.
If you are not 100% sure that you won't let her and her son down again, I think you should respect her decision and leave them be. It wouldn't be for her benefit would it? It would be for your benefit, and that's pretty selfish. She's already had a failed marriage and whatever you've put her through. she deserves a break.
So far, she's doing the right thing for her and her son in ending it with you. If you can prove to her that you've really changed (which will take time, not just one meeting before you go away - or rather don't go away - which is it?) then you may be in with a chance ... in the future.
Just don't muck her around.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'll be a reservist. So I'll be here. Anyway. I'm done.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 November 2012):
let me get this straight...
you admit to doing things (MULTIPLE TIMES) that warranted her ending the relationship.
She actually forgave you over and over.
You are LEAVING for XX years for the Marine Corp in January (4-8 weeks away)
Now you are BEGGING FOR ONE MORE LAST CHANCE?
The fact that she allows her son to call you daddy speaks to her bad judgement. The fact that she has given you multiple chances speaks to how much she cares for you and more bad judgement.
your last paragraph reeks of drama... are you and her drama laden... NOT healthy for a little boy...
Tell her you love her
tell her you are sorry you are such a screw up
ask her to remain friends
then go off the the Marines... become a grown man while keeping in touch with her on a very friendly basis.
DO NOT expect her to remain faithful, do not demand it of her..... it's not reasonable to ask someone to try again when you are leaving for a long period of time...
Go off the the Marines (and thank you for your service) GROW UP and then if it's meant to be when you return the two of you can work it out.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 November 2012):
 I think you are asking us to validate your feelings about being an honest and trustworthy companion/lover with this woman.....
Myself????? If she were my Sister, I would tell her: "Dump this guy until and unless he proves himself to be worthy of you (My Sister is entitled to a VERY "worthy" guy!!!)"
YOU are now in that enviable position of going on to your Marines committment (one for which I commend you!!!!!) AND, you can do all the cooing/kowtowing/grovelling that you must.... through your Marine early days.... to PROVE to this girl that you are "worthy" of her....
IF you can make it through THAT.... then I am willing to relax the harsh assessment of you that I made above....
I hope you come through.....
Good luck... and Semper Fi....
...............................
|
