A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 2 and a half years now. I love this guy to pieces and he is the best. He is my first true love and we even lost our virginity to each other. We have created a really special bond that I think is hard to find these days. Our relationship has been somewhat rocky, mostly due to me lying and getting caught in my lies, keeping things hidden, and making stupid mistakes. Make no mistake, I am not a cheater. I have never cheated on my man, and would never. The worst thing I have done in my opinion, is attempt to make sexual eye contact with one of the entertainers whilst on vacation away from my man. I think I did this out of an act of feeling neglected and yearning for male attention, as my man had been on business for a few weeks and would be gone for a while. I used to be able to hide things I didn't think would be helpful to our relationship and just lie my way out of things. I didn't think anything of this lifestyle, as most of my wrong doing had occurred in the first year of our relationship, when I was young and immature. This summer, while he was on business I lied to him horribly, and the guilt ate away at me till I just broke down and told him. He wasn't too upset because it was about a sexual encounter that happened before we started dating. Ever since that, I keep digging up things from the past, and telling him. I feel he is entitled to know everything now and every time I think about something I lied about in the past or kept hidden, I spill my guts and it usually leads to him blowing up, freaking out, calling me horrible names, and then us reconciling an hour later. He gets upset over small things, and says that he's not upset at the actual event, but the fact that I lied and kept it hidden. It seems like everyday I am in constant reminder of past things in our relationship and can't stop thinking of other times I have wronged him and feel a need to tell him. Where do I go from here? He has offered to give me a clean slate and start over fresh, and I gladly accepted, but I just can't get my head off the past. I feel like even if we forget about it all, he'll somehow find out, be hurt, and then lash out and threaten to end us all over again. I want his trust more than anything. Sometimes I even feel like I imagine things that I know I didn't do in the past. It has caused me so much anxiety and depression. I just want his trust and to make him happy because I know he cares about me so much and I love him to the end of the earth. Where do I go from here? I want to be the perfect girlfriend and make up for lost time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): All that wasted energy you are spending thinking about the past, could be more beneficial if you spent it on coming up with ways to improve your relationship!
The past is the past...it's over and done! Everything we experience, makes us who we are today. Even bad experiences teach us how to be better people! Use that knowledge to your advantage. Don't repeat the same mistakes, and if you should, take a look at why you do the things you do. Maybe a therapist could help you dig deeper into your past if you can't get over it. But don't use your boyfriend as a therapist. He is not objective enough to take on that role, and you will only damage your relationship moreso!
A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (27 February 2009):
 I am going through a similar situation with my 6 year old son. No, really, sounds crazy but the kid is too honest, which I think you are too. He will tell me every time he picks his nose, or does something gross that really, I don't want to know about. I tell him I don't want to know about it, and sometimes I blow up at him like your boyfriend does to you. If he brakes a silly, minor rule, he will tell me. I get the impression, often that he wants to test me to see how upset I will get with him. Perhaps he feels like you do, and believes I deserve to know the truth. The thing is, the past is the past, and maybe without that awful past, you may not be the awsome girlfriend you are today. It is not immediately cruicial he know everything about your past. If he asks yu tings like "have you ever.....?" take that oppertunity to answer truthfully, but it isn't important at the moment. Spare the arguing and just enjoy building a future with him. Trust me, you will not be a bad person if you left the past where it belongs.
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