A
female
age
41-50,
*ad_Jaz
writes:8 years ago I met a man at work, after going through lots of horrible relationships and a alcoholic dad. I wanted to be finally happy. He made me happy, he was a nice sweet kind guy. We worked together for 3 years before we started dating, once we started dating I realized that even though he was a sweet guy he was also guarded with his feelings. He didn't like to talk about emotional stuff, even with that he was still a very sweet guy. Everything was going great so 3 years ago I decided to move in with him, but there was one issue, he had a roommate. This roommate didn't move out though, he stayed which was fine with me. They had lived together for many years. then a year ago we got married, things started out fine but then I started noticing the friend being hateful towards me, I told my husband and he said I was just imagining it. I let it go sort of. But then i started wondering if my husband would actually choose me over his roommate. he did after all take vowels with me but then again that means nothing to some people. Last week my husband took a trip to see a concert in another state, when he come back I felt like something had changed. He seemed almost colder to me. They started making vague comments to themselves, like only that they got. I started getting upset and came out and asked my husband why cant we have a close relationship like him and his friend? ( his friend wasn't around when I blew up). He said that we have a closer relationship because I am his wife. i am a little insecure because of my past relationship and who I was raised by so he has always told me how much he cares about me and loves me and that he didn't want me to leave. He still said that after the trip, but a comment he made last night really really gave some telling information. We were sitting around talking about telescopes and we live in a big city so I asked a question if whether I would be able to see stars from our balcony. My husbands reply was to mention the place were my family lived as possible places to see stars and that I should go there.. His roommate asked what that meant, he said it would kill two birds with one stone. My heart jumped into my throat. because somehow i got what he was saying. I am not sure what i should do and if I am over reacting any advice would help pls.
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alcoholic, at work, insecure, roommate Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): If he was being all laid back and sarcastic I'm going to have to say that he was sort of trying to "impress" his friend. People do that, they say things that they consider an inside joke but honestly it's not so inside and it can be really rude and hurtful. The sarcasm definitely highlights this...
A
female
reader, Sad_Jaz +, writes (20 June 2009):
Sad_Jaz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think he is gay, honestly I think "our roommate" is just a angry self absorbed jerk. He doesn't want anyone to be happy because he isn't.You know how the saying goes misery loves company. I think he is mad because my husband (his best friend since 5th grade) found someone before he did. Yeah he is that competitive, he thinks he is good at everything. He spends one semester in a Marine Biology class and he thinks he knows everything about the subject. That is just one example of his arrogance. I honestly believe he wants to break me and my husband up because then he will have someone to be miserable with. I don't want this to end our marriage, but i am in school. This is starting to effect my grades and seeing that me and my husbands future is rocky at best I need my degree. I love my husband with all my heart but I need to also look out for me. One thing I have learned from all the bad relationships and a abusive alcoholic dad is that I need to be prepared. As the answer to your question (Just A Dreamer) , his body language seemed laid back he it also seemed kind of arrogant. I did sense a tone of sarcasm.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): That's terrible in my opinion. You shouldn't feel like your overreacting. From what I see your under reacting. The fact that your still living with a roommate after being married would be plenty to be bothered about on it's own but then he says something like that and it's way over the edge. May I ask two questions that would clarify somethings?1. What was his body language like when he said this? (trust me it relates) 2. What was his tone? Sarcastic? Blunt? Normal?If I were you I would talk to him alone and try and get some answers. Tell him how he made you feel when he said that. Wait for a response and if it's not what it should have been you should take some type of action.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): I don't think you're overreacting. There's an issue there somewhere.
I can't quite imagine starting a new marriage and keeping the roommate. If I were the roommate I'd have been looking for new digs as soon as you announced your engagement. My sense is that your new husband isn't taking adequate stock of your feelings. You guys really need to talk about this.
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (20 June 2009):
 Why is the room mate still living with you? I would find that would limit the opportunities for giving intimacy and affection on a daily basis. His statement is ambugious and unclear so you do need to ask him what he meant, he will make light of it but you need to persist until you get a clear answer. You may also want to consider removing the room mate although from what you said you will have a lot of trouble even if you asked him to choose between the you or him.
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