A
female
 
age
41-50,
*irenaBlusera
writes:Ok, this isn't a relationship question but I'm so upset that I can't stand it. I'm upset about my hair, that I'm just crying my heart to pieces as I write this. I'm in tears because I'm so miserable and I need help. It looks shit ugly and I'm embarrassed to be seen in public like this, and I'm sick and tired of feeling embarrassed about my appearance. The color is horrible, the ugly roots are showing, it's full of split ends and resembles a rat's nest. I look like an unkempt pig. I can't do anything with it because it's so ratty and out of control and I'm in hysterical tears as i write this.I don't have the money to go to a salon and get it fixed. I desperately, desperately, desperately need to go to a beauty salon and get something done about it.I'm sick of wearing old rags and looking like crap... I'm sick of my not being able to get nice things, and clothes and makeup. I am so sick and tired of feeling miserable because I hate how I look and I can't get the things that would make me feel better. I'd rather go without eating than look like this. I know it's vain but I feel so depressed about how ugly I look and it would mean everything to feel beautiful. I have been substitute teaching, which is a crappy job and doesn't pay enough to survive. I put up with getting shit on by teachers, students and administrators all day long and don't even get the money I deserve. I worked my way through college and sacrificed everything to get the degree and now I'm struggling even more than I did as an undergrad. I'm starting to wish I'd never gone to college. I mean I know I can't have anything outrageously expensive like a Ferrarri or a ten story house. I just want to live decently and be able to go to a beauty shop and get my hair fixed or be able to get a makeover.I'm so sick of looking horrible and ugly and feeling bad about my appearance. I'm so sick and tired of not having the freedom to get what I want or what I need because money is standing in the way. I'm tired of looking shit ugly all the time. I am NOT soliciting donations or anything like that. I just need some solution to this because I'm going crazy.I would like to date and have a boyfriend but I have no confidence in myself. How can I when I'm so embarrassed about how I look? I look like a pig! I hate being scruffy and slovenly looking. I like to look groomed and elegant.I feel so depressed about myself because I am so sick of just putting up with being ugly and ungroomed looking, and so sick of not being able to get the things I want or need. I am so upset about my appearance that I'm going crazy. I know I'll get flack for being shallow but I can't help it... looks mean so much to me and my heart's desire is to be beautiful. I'm also an artist and I love beautiful things and it hurts me so much to look in the mirror and see an unkempt pig. I HATE my hair! I'm just about to shave it all off because I'm sick of it. I would literally give ten years of my life just to go to a salon and get my hair fixed. I feel like a failure because I can't get stuff that other people can get and the life that I want is out of my reach.This is superficial, but I don't care... I will literally go crazy without a solution. What can be done about my hair? I don't have the $$$ for an expensive salon visit and I can't cut or color my own hair, because I'll botch it and it will look horrible. I hate my hair and I hate my appearance so much that I'm going crazy. Please help.
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female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 get a new job! if you hate it so much why stay?
maybe teaching isn't for you!
at least you have a qualification, honestly you really need a new one if you cant even afford clothes.
you cant stuff your hair much by doing it yourself.. what hair color are you? i mean yeah if your going from black to blonde you will need to go to a salon but if you need to redo your roots then its pretty damn simple, and if you cant figure that out how the hell did you get through university?
SAVE money. once you have saved, buy a hair straightener! not some shitty one that will break, a DECENT, expensive one. yeah yeah you might come back with "i don't have any money!" well that brings me back to, get a new job! you are obviously a proficient writer, and have finished a degree so im sure you are capable of a new job.
i bought a GHD 3 years ago, you can pick them up for around $200aud
it was the best purchase i have made in a long time, you do your hair once and wont have to straighten it again till you wash it. plus you can curl too without having to buy another product.
A
female
reader, YourDestiny11 +, writes (29 March 2010):
 For ur hair problem just brush ur hair out bend over and comb it all down and cut straight across so ull have a trim and some layers. Get a cheap dye the color u want n just dye it urself. Then get a cheap clear dye to put on and thats what they call a cellaphang at salons it calms ur hair and makes it smoothe. As for the clothes u could find somethin cute at a 2nd hand store for cheap. As for the makeup all u really need is blush for some color, mascara to make ur eyes stand out and some lip gloss to complete the look. Good luck hun.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (29 March 2010):
 Yeah, I kind of have to agree with Marieclaire. As harsh as it is, I was thinking of all the people who are so much worse off than you and how you should be grateful as I was reading your post. I would love to be teaching right now but my hub is deployed and I have a baby to take care of and therefore can't get a job and don't have family or friends here and haven't gotten a haircut in three years. But it's really ok. Because it will get better. And I get to use WIC. so.. it's all good.
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A
female
reader, CherryBoom  +, writes (29 March 2010):
i have been there with having bad hair.
if you don't have money to go to the salon then here are some useful tips. follow these instructions and you'll see within the next 2-3 weeks that your hair will look and feel healthier. believe me they work!
you say that your hair resembles a rat's nest, so by that you mean dry and unmanageable? well what you need is a weekly co-wash and deep penetrating conditioning.
a co-wash simply means that you wash your hair with conditioner and only conditioner. no shampoo! this method is very good for damaged hair. it helps to lock more moisture into the hair and scalp and cleanse it as well.
to co-wash you need to rinse your hair with cool or warm water, then you apply the conditioner to the roots. when doing this always apply more conditioner working from your roots till the ends of your hair and massage. after massaging rinse out the water.
best conditioners for this method are PANTENE PRO V - HAIR CONTROL or PANTENE PRO V - TOTAL CARE
so after co-washing comes the applying of a deep penetrating conditioner or hair mask. in this case i use PANTENE PRO V TOTAL CARE or HERBAL ESSENCES LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP LEAVE IN.
leave in the conditioner under a shower cap or a small plastic bag for 10-15 mins. why? because this method, called baggying simply hydrates the hair, retains moisture and hair length and also thickens and strengthens the ends of your hair.
---before doing this i recommend you trim your ends. trust me i trim my ends by myself. all you need to do is part your hair in 4 with help of hair bands or clips and then cut off half an inch of hair or 0,5cm of your ends.
the reason why you probably have split ends is because of exposure to air or too much hot ironing or blow-drying, which means that they are dry!
your ends are very important because if you keep your ends healthy then you can prevent your hair from breaking!
another important thing is to wear your hair in protective styles. make sure the ends are always protected either by moisturizing the ends or keeping them tucked in.
for instance my favorite styles are the french twist or the chignon(bun). you can enhance your look with simple things; earrings or a newly tweezed set of eybrows!!
i hope these tips will help if you have questions just send me a msg.
another thing you shouldnt be so harsh on yourself. dont depress yourself by thinking you are ugly or unattractive!
i believe you should first think of how you want to be seen by other ppl with your style. you could probably have your own flee market or attend one by selling old clothes (clean of course), bags (if they dnt look used) and other things that could bring in money. try online shopping, there are websites that offer beautiful and cheap clothing.
take one saturday of and explore all the shops in your town/area and also look out for sale signs, because sale items are mostly from the last season but you can still buy them and create your own unique tyle. go with a friend who will help you with choosing outfits.
i believe before getting a boyfriend you need to be at peace with yourself. you need to be able to love yourself before thinking of loving someone else.
i wish you the best :))
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): Do you live in the US or Spain?
Look in your phone book for beauty schools and call to tell them what issues you have and can you get your hair cut and colored there for a nominal fee.
It is much less expensive there and although your hair may be cut and colored by a student there is an experienced professional that will supervise...
They may even be willing to do it for free if you tell them your circumstance. They probably will spend more time on your hair as well than a salon would, to a salon time is money and they try to do as many "heads" as they can.
A good cut and trim will go along way to improving your appearance and it will grow out better. Also ask advice n what products, like shampoo are best for your hair.
Start there and save up the money or ask to borrow it from a friend.
As far as clothing goes, there are many places to go to by used clothing. I donate clothes all of the time and I take very good care of my clothes and think that anyone would be lucky to have them at a fraction of what I paid for them. I simply either have changed sizes or stopped wearing something due to boredom with it.
You are an artist, be creative with what you find, I know a woman who has a great income and she buys most of her clothes at the Salvation Army. Everyone where she works always comments on how fashionably she dresses.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (28 March 2010):
When is your birthday? I'd ask for a gift card for a clothes store and a hair place.
Also, set aside say, 15 dollars a month or sometimes that you would normally spend on fastfood or soda or something sweet. After a few months you can go give yourself a treat with the money at the hair salon. Don't use heat to dry or style your hair, it's damaging. Sounds crazy maybe, but I don't even blowdry my hair and if I'm not going anywhere for the weekend, I don't wash it, which lets some of the natural oils out to nourish it and doens't dry it out as much as washing every day does. After about a month of treating it really well, no one would ever know that I don't blowdry or style it because it's healthy. Stop dyeing it. Dyeing your hair is expensive because it has to be done so often because of the roots. If you can one day afford one more hair dye, get it done to your natural color. Get some old Dvds or Cds and go to a movie or media store and sell them for a little extra something. Get a second part time job, ask your parents for help (unless you can't of course and if you can't then I'm sorry to remind you of that).
Eat really cheap stuff like chef boyardee, ramen noodles and bananas.
Apply for food stamps, they help a TON.
Braid your hair every day if you want to hide it in a cute way. Shop at a thrift store. I got an amazing skirt at one for three dollars. It's all so cheap there. You can also sell your old clothes that don't fit or you don't wear.
Look online for other resources you can take advantage of. There are some helpful programs out there for people who need it.
Keep working at it. Life sucks for a long time but eventually, it gets easier. You'll work your way up to teaching and although that's not the best paycheck you could possibly get, it's better than now (i think).
I know I can't suddenly make you love yourself because I've been in the same position and words have never helped me, but maybe someone else' words will.
Take care.
~sy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): Yes you can style your own hair! Yes it might look horrible the first time you try, but its like it is with everything: you learn through experience! Then second time around you know what NOT to do. Experiment and style your hair! At least, if it is so horrible-looking, it can't turn out worse can it?
I can't give you any tips on exactly HOW to style your hair, because I dont know what you look like, what colours are good for you, or what hair-type you have even. But I do know that all this information you can find online. Google up home treatments for hair, find out what type of hair you have (thick, thin, curly, dry, oily, sleek etc.)
Then maybe you could do a career change of sorts? Apply for a better job? Yes I understand the desire to pamper yourself every now and then and be able to afford nice things! Every woman wants that, and a lot of us never can because all our money goes to food and kids or we are under-payed or whatnot. Then you have to do the next best thing: home treatments. Gather up some friends and you give each other make-overs, do each others hair and do facial masks etc.
But really, if you feel you can afford it, mix up a home-made hair mask and I am sure it will do wonders. What you need is to pamper yourself every now and then. It doesn't need to be a big thing, but treat yourself to something nice every now and then. Like a home-made facial mask now and then, or a foot-bath with minerals. A nice hot bath with candle lights, a cup of tea while reading your favourite magazine. All these things help a lot!
I hope you will feel better soon! You're just in a negative state of mind right now, and I hope it will turn around so you will enjoy yourself again soon!
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