A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a huge question and the reason I ask is because I don't want to make the same mistakes that everyone else makes. I would be grateful if someone could give me some information about the worst regrets or mistakes people make with relationships.I already have made a few mistakes. God knows we all do (in life).Where can I succeed where others have failed? I hope the question is clear. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you for taking the time to answer this question. I will try to avoid the same mistakes...Thanks again.
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (4 October 2010):
Mistakes I've made:
1) Getting too serious too quickly. With moving in, planning a future, etc. Take it slow and evaluate the consequences.
2) Getting back together over and over again. If it wasn't working, chances are it still won't work. Especially if you don't talk over realistic things that need to happen for it to get better.
3) Not talking about problems early on, and just letting them fester. Like others have said, communication is really key. And good communication, not yelling, fighting, blame games, etc.
4) Appreciating your partner. Showing affection. Saying thank you for little things. It's the first thing to go, but so essential.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Honesty - if they are lying about something, who's to say they aren't lying about everything.
Communication - if you can't talk to the other person, too many things will be left unsaid.
Reality - sometimes we see things we don't want to see and brush them aside and put them out of our minds, only to be upset when they are realized later on. basically, like others have said, don't stick around telling yourself otherwise if you know for sure it's over.
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female
reader, Jen1689  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 I've had one failed "serious" relationship. Here's what I've learned:
1. Don't fool yourself into thinking that the relationship is something it's not. If you have any doubts, don't ignore them. They will become unavoidable sooner or later.
2. Communicate. No matter what kind of a relationship you're in: dating, engaged, married, long-distance, live-in, etc., communication is key. This makes it easier to trust and be trusted. No relationship will last without that.
3. Be honest. Don't lie to yourself or your partner regarding your feelings concerning anything in your relationship. This will only lead to resentment and anger towards your partner and yourself.
4. Don't let the little things go. If your partner does something that truly hurts you, really think twice before you forgive them. Chances are, it will happen again, only worse.
5. Don't be afraid. This is what keeps people in abusive or dead-end relationships. It certainly kept me in one. If you're unhappy with a person, don't stay with them because you're afraid of change, afraid of being alone, or afraid for the person or their feelings. If you need to leave, do it for your own sanity and safety.
6. Don't feel responsible. If your partner has issues with themselves, that's just it--it's with themselves. Don't feel that it is your job to protect their feelings or well-being. A person is only "responsible" for themselves. They can help to look after another person, but it is not their job to save them. Especially a person who is mentally or emotionally unstable and relies on others for help instead of taking responsibility for themselves. Those people will never change.
7. Don't go into a relationship hoping things will change. If you're dating someone, and they're habits, behaviors, attitudes, or morals aren't anything you can agree with, don't stay with them or marry them in hopes that they will change or things will get better. They won't. You need to find someone who's flaws aren't something you can simple "look past", but who's flaws are simply non-existent. No one is perfect, but someone can be perfect to you.
Something I've learned from being in a happy and stable relationship for almost two years now:
1. Always notice them. Anything they do is for you, so don't hesistate to notice and take appreciation in the things they do.
2. Admire them. My fiancee is the most wonderful person I've ever met. He's intelligent, patient, loyal, loving, caring, selfless, and perfect for me. I admire him more than anyone else in the world, and I've chosen to be with him because of it.
3. Have fun. Don't be afraid to be kids together and do spontaneous things. It's what keeps people young and happy. It's what helps to inspire you to find new ways of loving each other.
One thing I've noticed that True Love brings out in a person: It makes them want to be the best they can be. I've never been so selfless in my entire life. I've never been so mature and responsible about things. I've never felt so motivated and confident. They make you want to complete yourself. They should inspire you. And you should never question it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): I agree with petinal....
From my experience...a 7 year relationship (2 years married)...ended in divorce
1. however bad your partner treats others, no matter if he/she has always been good to you, just know it's a matter of time before that behavior is turned on you
2. have a clear understanding of your role as a step parent from your partner's perspective
3. whatever you did to attract each other and love each other, continue doing that and more
4. have the utmost respect for your partner.
5. be willing to hear and completely understand each others' viewpoint even if you don't agree with it
6. be self-less...too many times it's me, me, me and that will crush a relationship
7. if possible, when marrying or moving in together, get a new place so it will truly be "our home"
8. spend quality time together often
....I'm still learning from my failed marriage by doing self-reflection...
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 I didn't know how to communicate well. I was unable to express how I felt about certain things, and when I was unhappy, I simply bottled them all up inside until it was too late.
Talk, talk, talk, talk, even about the little stuff that you might think doesnt matter, don't shut the other person out, dont divide your life up into little boxes, this little box for wife, this little box for kids, this little box for work and work colleague, this little box for friends ..... I felt my children and I were kept in a little box until those rare occassions when he wanted to play families came along .... I was pretty darn miserable toward the end, and bitter, which was even worse.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Here are some of the worst mistakes
.Getting involved and planning a future with someone we don't really love
. Not discussing if you both want children, how many,, or not
. Not supporting each other in their choice of career
. Money issues, who has what, shared bank account etc. Money issues being one of the MAJOR break ups of relationships.
. If one of y ou has a gambling problem, drug, or drink related problems. Mental illness.
. If someone has had children from a previous relationship, that could be extra baggage that's not welcome.
. The list can be numerous, that's why its best to be sure and get to know your partner first without rushing in. My father in law once said to me, it won't work unless y ou are singing from the same hymn sheet. Which really means you need to be going in the same direction with a plan. Im sure other people can add to the list. Hope this helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): I guess this is rather negative, but its probably the best advice I can give. Don't stay too long in a relationship when you know for sure its over. I did this, and wasted YEARS, knowing things were never going to get better. I was too afraid to leave, and just sort of put blinders on. I will always now wonder "What if?" wondering if I might have met someone really special the whole time I was stuck in a dead end relationship. I'm filled with regret over this.
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