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We're taking a break and now I think of him all the time... Even in my dreams!

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 March 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 March 2006)
A female United Kingdom, *ngelicc writes:

Hey all,

Well it’s almost 5 days since my boyfriend and I decided it was best to go on a break. It's been so hard trying to not contact him or leave a message for him. I scared that we’ll never get back together after this break. This is just making feel depressed, all I feel like doing is crying all the time. Now, I’m starting to get this feeling like there this pain in my chest and it hurts so much, it's like my own upper body is so heavy, it's feel like this never ending pain which hurts more when I breathe deeply. I’ve only remember feeling this pain once before it was around the time of the loss of my baby.

I’m trying to do what people tell me, I’m trying to keep busy, stay away from my boyfriend, it’s just so hard. But it seems he’s finding so easy. I can’t help but to think of him all the time, I can’t even escape him in my dreams.

What else can I do?

View related questions: a break, depressed, get back together

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A female reader, Angelicc United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2006):

Angelicc is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Angelicc agony auntthax anonymous female reader thats a very detailed step by step for me to be follow. i plan on following as much as i can, i really love him and don't wish to lose him, so if this helps i thank you. bye i'm gonna started on that now espeically step 15. look hot and interesting so that i can work on step 1.(flirt not date), to work on step 2., step 6., step 9. and step 32. now i have guide lines to follow maybe this break won't be so hard on me. maybe i'll win him back

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2006):

I know exactly how you feel. I broke up with my boyfriend after a year and a half a month ago. I have this really deep pain in my chest that just lingers. It feels like it's going to take my breath away. I cry a lot and think of him constantly. So, to help myself, I have been reading a lot of postings people have submitted online and self help articles of how to deal. I really feel that the best thing (for me at least) and I hope this helps is to keep your distance for now. I know it's hard day to day to do that especially if you had spent so much time with this person and they mean a lot. But I made the mistake of sending multiple emails, cards, calling, going to places he would be and confronting him there and it was only driving him further away. It wasn't giving him time to really miss me or see what he has lost. If he knows I am avaliable to him whenever and wherever he will never see any need to contact me to see how I am. Therefore, it has been a week. No contact whatsoever and I am starting to feel a little better. I truly feel in my heart that he still loves me and will miss me but I think it's so important not to pressure him or make them see it your way. I don't think men handle it too well when they feel cornered. You have to give it time and let them realize it on their own. I have a hard time when I think he may be seeing someone else. But then I think perhaps when he does go out with different people he will hopefully think of me and what I meant to him. I hope this helps.

Here are some tips I found on the internet I am going to try and stick to.

Oh and another thing. It is a deep hurt. I have never felt like this before but you can look at it like a wound that needs time to heal. Trying to get him to be with you is only putting a bandaid on it rather than letting it have air to breathe and heal.

TIPS:

1. Act like you don’t care- flirt, date, see if he asks you out again

2. After he starts to see someone, pretend as if you don’t care

3. Avoid game playing- be completely honest

4. Acknowledge your mistakes and learn from them

5. Fight for the ones you love

6. Ignore him

7. Don’t cry in front of him

8. Start living your life just for you

9. Don’t be dependent. They will resent you. Be independent.

10. Don’t beg- This puts the pressure on and pull away from you more. Don’t call, email, no contact. It makes you seem needy and can’t live without them. Be happy and content. Pursue your interests and make a life for yourself. Make him curious.

11. Don’t break down in tears.

12. Don’t let it show. Act like you don’t need him.

13. Don’t stalk the guy

14. Don’t use sex to win him back.

15. Look hot. Be independent. Appear interesting and happy.

17 Evaluate your strong points. Why was he attracted to me. Because I was happy, had a great personality, was not needy, was attractive. Vibrant and strong willed.

18. Don’t pay attention to his love.

19. Everyone loves to be loved.

20. Concentrate on yourself

21. Expand your own life. I don’t need him to make me happy.

22. Don’t do the talk over and over. He will want to spend less time with you.

23. Give it time. Never let him see you down. Show them you don’t need them.

24. Act like you don’t need him back.

25. Be patient. Give him time to miss you.

26. Never cry.

27. Patience is key.

28. Play the game too. Men want strong women. Don’t use friends to get to him.

29. Don’t take your stress out on him.

30. Restlessness- its too easy.

31. Stay strong- Don’t let him think he can always have you back

32. Don’t be clingy

Let him come to you!

And the main one- Find the person you were when he fell in love with you, be true to yourself and enjoy life. He will see all the wonderful things you were when he fell in love with you!

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A female reader, soz +, writes (11 March 2006):

GET OVER IT, OBVIOUSLY HE IS NOT BEEN IN TOUCH SO HE DONT FEEL THE SAME, THERE ARE SO MANY MEN OUT THERE KEEP LOOKIN BUT U NEED TO STOP CRYING FIRST, GOOD LUCK

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