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I'm a straight guy who fell deeply in love with another man eight years ago: Should I get in touch again?

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Question - (10 March 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 13 March 2006)
A male , *imboelroy writes:

This is a complicated one. I am a guy that is heterosexual. I have only had straight relationships. but when I was younger, early twenties, I fell in love with my best friend, another guy. He actually felt the same way at the time. But we didn't consummate the love, and in fact ran away from it. Embarassing, but a lot like Brokeback Mountain, without the sex, I was too scared and embarassed. Now I can't get him out of my mind. I loved him so much. I haven't seen him in 8 years, but we talk every few months. I have never really told him how I feel, I am scared he put it behind him, will not feel the same way, or we'll both still be unable to do anything about it. Should I tell him everything just to get it off my chest and maybe get closure, or not say anything. I also run the risk of him telling my other friends that we have in common, it would be very embarassing. I would never consider living the gay lifestyle unless it was with him. What does all this mean?? --Very confused in Texas.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (13 March 2006):

willywombat agony auntI have no personal experience like the one you are having to draw on. But I would suggest that often facing your demons or fears is the best way forward.

if you want to get this feeling out of your system I say contact him. Take it from there. Do not take an agenda along with you and dont expect to much. Life is to short to think what if..I am a firm beliver in regreting what you did rather than what you didnt do.

I wish you lots of luck and be

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A male reader, d4u04 United Kingdom +, writes (12 March 2006):

d4u04 agony auntOK, as a gay man my advice is get it out in the open, meet up, because the worst he can say is no, if you brace yourself for that anything else will lift your spirits. You may dread the meeting but you'll feel much better after it, and as for your mutual friends, if embarrassment is your biggest fear then it won't be the end of the world if they find out.

I hope it all works out for you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2006):

Sexuality isn't black and white, just because you love another guy, doesn't mean that you didn't have anything real with any girls, or taht you are gay even. Maybe you are just made to be with this guy. I say ask him to meet up with you, and see what happens. If he feels the same way, it'll be obvious.

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