A
male
age
36-40,
*arried24M
writes: OK, Well me and my now wife have been together for 8 years and have been married a little less than 1 year. We have been together since I was 16 and she was 17. We did not have sex for the first year and a half. but after we would get crazy and have sex in the car in a parking lot, or down stairs when my parents where home...ectnow the problem= I consider myself very sexual. but my wife is not very sexual. We have sex probably 2-4 times a month and it has been this way for at least a year or so before our wedding. I have talked about it with her straight to the point." I have a problem with our sex life and believe we should spice it up and have sex more often ect...." She says that she agrees, but when it comes to it she is always coming up with an excuse. I have tried everything from buying sex games, Toys, to just cuddling she just seems to not have a sex drive...I have resorted to Masturbation and she knows this and does not like it but does nothing about it.Please help I don’t know how to kindle the sex into our relationship I’ve tried everything....I mean we are still newlyweds!!!!!!!
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sex drive, sex life, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, danjapan7 +, writes (24 January 2010):
Not to belittle your problem, but if you're having sex 4 times a month, I envy you. I am 23, my wife is 25, we havent even been married 2 years, and the sex is now down to once a month, if I'm lucky. We were married virgins, but it seemed like before we got married, we could hardly control ourselves. It actually started out pretty good...the first week or two. Then it got down to about 4x a month. It has been steadily decreasing ever since. She seems to get off about 80% of the time. I do nothing but shower her with affection. But even on romantic occasions, like her birthday which she said she had a lot of fun and felt very romanced, we didnt even have sex then. I would like to think its a physical problem, and she does too, but she doesnt want to see a doctor at all. She insists it will change, but she's not chasing a solution with any means of urgency. All that to say...just keep doing what you're doing and hope the amount of sex you have stands pat.
A
male
reader, married24M +, writes (6 February 2008):
married24M is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the input.... I will try to take what your saying and put it into action....
Double M=she has never liked oral she gives but refuses to receive(even though i would love to try)
anonymous= As for her turn ons the only thing i have figured out is she likes a slow sensious back massage before sex... ihave tried everything kissing kneck, rubbing feet, tickling ect...She can be very unexploring...
birdynumnums= She does have orgasims but not all the time. Most of the time she is just doing it for me and wants to hurry even though i tell her we need to slow down and i want her to enjoy it also.
MovieFan= She usually does not make any noise at all even when she orgasims other than a little hard breathing..
OnlyM101= I do alot other than clean... i cook dinner when she works late, empty the dishwasher, make the bed, and even come out and ask what it is she wants me to do around the house. maybe i will try to find some other things that are out of the ordinary like clean her car or was cloths(I hate it but if it helps!!!!)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Instead of approaching her in the bedroom at night, approach her in the kitchen or shower or somewhere unexpected.
Im guessing she has her turn ons and being her husband you would know them? Take her out somewhere completely different, a secluded beach...!
If she agrees that the amount of sex is a problem then have an actual discussion about it, what is her solution to the problem? Does she feel her sex drive has diminished? Is work or some other aspect of her life overwhelming her?
I think actively asking for her input in the matter might find a more realistic solution.
Best of luck to you
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A
female
reader, OnlyMe101  +, writes (6 February 2008):
When I was married to my ex I really didnt enjoy sex at all. Before marriage I was okay. The minute we were married - no. I think some women like the idea of marriage as a security blanket but can't see that you have to work at a relationship to keep it going. I learnt this after the split and love sex now because its so free and easy. I never feel obliged to have sex, which is how some women see sex in a marriage.
You need to work on the love thing a bit more. If you make her feel loved, sex may be different - but then it will need to be tender and you'll have to be tender for some time before you can make it interesting.
Doing things around the house, helping with the cooking, taking her to places and dating her like a girlfriend, making her laugh and feel pretty will help I'm sure......but don't force the issue...you'll only get lights out and Night Dear while she's clutching the edge of the bed! Hope this helps and good luck for both of you
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Hi,
Just remembered one more thing - If she is on the pill, that can have an effect on some women's libidos. She could try switching pills or even switching to another contraceptive form, if you are willing to risk a pregnancy now.
Cheers!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (6 February 2008):
 I think "birdynumnums" has the right idea here, but I would add that greatly expanding your repertoire is possibly the key to reawakening her passion.
Specifically, I would suggest increasing "foreplay" to arouse her libido, and stop talking to her about how you are unsatisfied with your sex life. Even more specifically, if you haven't already, introduce your wife to a healthy regimen of oral stimulation for her. And be very patient and passionate about it.
Perhaps she has grown a bit bored with the "same ole, same ole" kind of sex that so many couples become accustomed to after a few years. If you are not confident or well-versed about pleasing a woman orally, enter "cunnilingus" into the search field above right on this Web site and read some of the "instructions."
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Try doing something that she will really like that romantic to get her in the mood. Make it a suprise. And this should make things more interested and make sure that you focus on how she feels so that it makes her want to start doing it more. And you should makes sure she isnt faking having an orgasim as well. I dont get why they do that but they seem to sometimes like to fake it, i think some think it will hurt your ego or something. But it just hurts things.
So in a recap, do something to try to get het do it more and talk to her to make sure she isnt faking orgasism and try to track the problem.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (6 February 2008):
As Alex Baldwin said "If you are getting your cookies, Make sure that she is having her cookies too...".
Is she actually having orgasms? Or is she telling the truth? I think it's one of the main reason why very young women start losing interest in sex, that they don't know how to communicate what they want in bed, and are shy to ask for it. There are lots of retreats for married couples in the US that actually specialize in getting your sex life back on track. I'd do some on line exploring if I were you and see if there is one that you could convince your wife to go on with you. A good sex life is something that can promote intimacy and closeness throughout you married life and you are so young - now's the time to get it back on track. Having said that, there are going to be times throughout your marriage where your sex drives aren't in sync, that's pretty normal for all married couples, but learning to communicate about it is a great place to start. Good Luck!
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