A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello dear Cupid and agony aunts. It's been awhile since I asked for helpHere's the thing, I've been dating this girl for about 3 months, and we have known each other for 5 years. I love her, and have a connection to her I've never felt before. After going three years of living the single life and one night stands because I was too afraid to settle down with someone I've found her. And I'm crazy about her.The problem is I went through her phone and found some text from various guys. They said some stuff that could pretty much constitute or assume she cheated. So with that being said, should I say something? I don't want it to ruin us. But I need to get it out. I have to know what she is hiding. Because I know for a fact it's something bad. I know I was wrong for invading her privacy, but let's say I had reasonable belief to do so. She said something while we were drinking one night that spiked my suspicion Keep in mind it's a long distance relationship and we only get to see each other every few months
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male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 If you have only been seeing this girl for three months and you only see her once every few months then what's the point? How many times have you actually seen her since you got together? Two? Three? How is that a relationship?
LDRs are difficult for the most trusting of couples and impossible to maintain if the trust is not there. You say you are crazy about her but really you don't know her much at all on a relationship level. 3 months together and only seeing each other every few months?
I would find yourself a local lass, not waste time on an LDR with someone you hardly see who is probably cheating on you.
Mark
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 I don't think I can develop a connection with a person I am only going to see once every few months. So even if you both have declared exclusivity to each other it's hard to take it seriously when you have so much time apart. I would just come clean that you snooped and break it off. I am not saying you must be a paranoid person, but if you feel the need to snoop, then long distance relationship, with a drinker and outgoing person probably would not work for you. Your mind would be so consumed with worries that when you finally get together you can't really enjoy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): I think you're now even. Shes flirting, and you're snooping.
You went through her private messages. That's an invasion of her privacy; if she didn't give you permission to do so.
You've unwittingly handed her a convenient excuse to turn this around on you. There may have been other personal info like her banking app, and other things you have no privy to.
I've personally received some very explicit messages from people with XXX pics attached; but I didn't initiate them.
Some have been pretty graphic; but I know these people well, and I just play them off. We banter, but that's apparently how some people chose to flirt. If someone went through my phone, not knowing what is going on. They would suggest I was sexting, and engaging them in sexy phone-play. I fire-back frisky replies, but I don't reciprocate with pics. I normally delete them as soon as I get them. Sometimes I don't, because no one goes through my phone.
I hope you are absolutely certain these aren't just some guys she knows making passes, and she's just volleying back flirtatiously. That is not solid evidence she has any intent to follow through or cheat.
You've only been in a relationship three months. It takes time for everyone she knows to catch up on her dating status. You claim to have known her five years? Then you must know the type of person she is.
If you do confront her, prepare for a meltdown. Don't place women so high up on a pedestal; then go snooping through their phones, to find a way to knock them off. You can tell her what you've found; but the way you went about it lowered your credibility.
Tell her you suspect that she's still flirting with other guys, and heard a few things. Give her a chance to come clean. If she lies. Then hit her with what you know, it won't matter if she's a liar. Then end it, and walk away like a man. You're no angel yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): If you crotch starts itching & burning with an infection then you are going to wish you hadn't been so squeamish about checking her phone and confronting her. You are being cheated on.
Invading privacy is wrong but you had probable cause. Its still a lot less wrong than cheating even if you didn't. Confront her and don't be too apologetic about how you found out.
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