A
female
age
18-21,
unica
writes:my boyfriend and i want to have a secret marriage..without the knowledge of anyone..im only 18 years old ang my boyfriend is 21 year old.. do you think its ok??? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 No, I don't think it's okay because it has very little to do with what marriage is about. This has more to do with creating some sort of exclusive "specialness" together through "secrets" and that's why secrets are so effective in doing just that! This has nothing to do with building a foundation that will lead to a solid marriage. I'm willing to make you a bet- as soon as all this is out in the open and the parents know...you probably won't find getting married as exciting.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): hey. i dont no wether its okay. but i am 18 and my partner is 21. we also want a secret marriage as our families do not see eye to eye. i would go ahead with it if i feel it is right, but its also losing my family and friends over it. so wiegh it up. family or boyfriend. i know its hard. what i think about is will we last or one day will everyone accept him. you can never predict what will happen. just follow your heart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): im in your situation now, but i think your still young..try to weigh things first and then decide.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (28 July 2007):
 It depends on WHY you want it a secret. Answer that, and then you will know for sure.
Depending on the case, I think it would have been much worse to make it a secret.
Again, whose idea is it to keep it a secret? Red flag.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  + ♥, writes (27 July 2007):
 I have a secret marriage and I wouldn't advise you to go into that without a great deal of thought. Obviously our friends and my husband's family know about it, but my parents don't because they disapproved of the relationship and refused to even contemplate that I would marry my now-husband. They didn't speak to me for two years and didn't agree to meet him until we had been in a relationship for over 3 years! They have now come around to accepting we live together and will be having a baby this year, but I can tell you that keeping secrets that big is very difficult and as time goes on, it can only get worse! I fortunately had a lot of support from outside my family and I don't regret the marriage at all. All I am going to say to you is that no one can stop you marrying if you wish, but you should take the decision to do it in secret very seriously. It may seem exciting but people who marry young have a high risk of divorce (because you and he will be different people in your late 20's or 30's for example). Your family may also never forgive you and you have to enter into any ceremony on that understanding prepared to accept the consequences. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, DIE-romantic. +, writes (27 July 2007):
 Well you can have a secret marriage when you're 18. So its perfectly okay.
:) xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): It's not illegal for the two of you to get married to each other secretly because once you are 18 you can get married to each other without your parents consent but why? Why do you want to get married without family and friends to witness your love for each other and have your two witnesses being people you don't know and will never see again? But if you feel that it's the best option then go for it.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (27 July 2007):
Why would you want a secret marriage? It is supposed to be a public declaration of your commitment to each other in front of your family and friends. Some people choose to have a very small ceremony with only a couple of people there, but they don’t keep it secret. When would you tell your family about what you had done? It would be a pretty big shock to them if you just announce one day that you have been married for 2 years! If there are reasons or problems why you need to keep your relationship secret, then you need to sort these out before going any further. Starting out married life as if it was some kind of shameful secret is not a good beginning. Also, I don’t know about the laws in your country, but in mine you have to announce your plans to marry a few weeks in advance unless you get a special marriage licence – and you need to give a very good reason for wanting one. Your country may have such laws as well.
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