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We texted and chatted but when his parents came to town he didn’t!

Tagged as: Long distance, Social Media, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 May 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 15 May 2018)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Dear cupid ,

Ive met this guy at work (im from the middle east he's American ) we exchanged numbers but he was flying back to the us the day we met so we disnt get a chance to go out , he texted me

Everyday and even video chated almost everyday he said he likes me and vise versa , he was planning to come and visit me next month for his leave , but a few days ago his parents came to his town to visit him and then all of the sudden he stoped texting me like before , he only called once when he was going to work , and one day only texted once asking about me and then took him 5 hours to reply back , yesterday he didnt text me so I decided to text him telling him that i will be flying to the us for work next week (but not to his state ) for a week , and he said he would like to meet me but it might be hard for him to fly to me and offered to pay for my ticket and fly me to his town ( which is weird for my culture for a man fo pay for ur ticket and fly you) I replied with saying ill try to fix my schedule but i will pay for my ticket if i was to fly but he insisted on paying but i still said no in a polite way , so havent decided yet on whos flying to who , but he hasn't replied back yet to the last text i sent , and he hasnt called me yet or texted me its been almost 2 days i dont know if that is normal? Ive never dated an american so i dont know what to expect, why did he stop calling and texting like before when his parents cam to town , plus he he said they are not staying in his apart. And one time he apologized for the lack of attention but hes busy , but really hes that busy with his parents? Why cant he atleast call at night when they are not there ? Am i over reacting?

View related questions: at work, exchanged numbers, text

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntDo you actually see potential here?

A long distance relationship is HARD to maintain and he didn't talk to you while his parents where there (WHICH I might add kind of makes sense as they SHOULD be his priority when they visit.) there is nothing worse than seeing family and that person is glued to their phone. so it's kind of understandable that he didn't have much time for you while they visited.

But if you have to be honest, do you actually see this going ANYWHERE?

And like WiseOwlE pointed out, BE mindful - VERY mindful of your own safety. You BARELY know this guy.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (15 May 2018):

You do live quite a distance away, and video chats or texting is so impersonal.

I don't think he has to account for how much time or reasons he spends it with his parents. You don't know him well enough to be that concerned.

Your connection with him is casual; and there is nothing official enough that he should feel it necessary to contact you everyday. Distance is surely a factor in his infrequency of contact. All the travel is impractical, expensive, and inconvenient. I think you're expecting too much.

Men are men, no matter what country we come from. If he goes days without contact; it's because you're a casual-acquaintance; and he doesn't consider himself in a relationship.

Are you absolutely certain he's not a married-man, or doesn't have girlfriend?

He may be squeezing you in, and made-up an excuse about his parents. Not to mention he may have bigoted parents; and he's keeping things on the down-low. I don't like being hidden-away like a dirty secret. Worse case scenario; he's got a wife, and he's hiding that!

I'd back-off a little since he's not much in-contact. It doesn't smell right. I think that's what you suspect.

He may not be as into you as you are into him; so you should pay for your own ticket. I don't think it's wise to accept expensive gifts or flight-fare from men you hardly know.

You're quite young, and you get to travel a lot. Careful of your encounters with foreign-travelers and unfamiliar men. Keep your safety and cultural-traditions always in-mind. You know what you have to answer to when you're back home on your native-soil, and facing your own culture. If you have to ask what you've asked, you're quite naive about men.

He's got a lot of distance to cross to get to you; and he'll always use that as his excuse. He also knows your culture isn't quite that keen about American-men dating Middle-eastern women; due to strict moral-codes and enforced theocracy. Even if you don't personally practice them. You've got parents too! How do they feel about you dating foreigners you meet on flights? Just be careful!

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