A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have bit of a dilemma and not totally sure how to move forward with it.I have become very close to a male friend, who I have known for years and currently lives at the opposite end of the country to me. We talk every day on the phone for over an hour, and he is always dropping suggestive hints and basically suggesting that me and him should have sex, he also tells me how much he loves me and how glad he is to know me.But I am confused as he also tells me about the women he fancies at work and how he wants to settle down and find a nice woman. Is he teasing? Does he just see me as a friend and think of it as mild flirting, or is there something deeper going on?Guys - is this normal behaviour? No man I have ever dated, or had any kind of long term relationship with has ever been this chatty. Trying to get any kind of phone conversation was like pulling teeth. So I just do not understand what is going on here. Any help or light on the situation would be much appreciated!
View related questions:
at work, flirt, teasing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (20 February 2011):
 hi
don't make the mistake of thinking that just because you talk for over an hour on the phone that he is in love with you. it is something for him to occupy his time with and he knows you are always at the other end of the phone for him. this is giving him an ego trip. trust me, i have been here and to be honest an hour on the phone is really not that long! just because he seems to have the 'gift of the gab' doesn't mean he is a great person with genuine deep feelings. i recently had a similar situation with an old colleague of mine, he would ring me day and night and our conversations ranged from 2, 3, and even 5 hours, like you guys we talked about many many subjects, deep and meaningfuls and having a laugh only occasionally brushed on anything sexual. turns out he has BAD issues relating to his past and when i said 'i am sorry, but i cannot continue a relationship but i will still be there for you' he switched from the person who 'loved' me and wanted to really making a go of things with me coz i am 'perfect for him' to someone who just says 'ok thats fine too!' this made me feel lost. it made him feel *nothing*.
my 'ex' before that also used to call me every night, he is a taxi driver and would call me from his cab when he was working or from his home on his nights off, again, every day and night without fail. he let me down a few times about coming to see me so i told him that i did not want to have a relationship with him, he still carried on texting and ringing me though and we still got on fine, same as always. he continued to do this until christmas day when after a text convo in the morning he said he would call me later on. he never did.
ok, you're not me and your friend is not my men, BUT like i said; try not to read too much into the time that a man will spend on the phone with you coz for some of them its just something they do to fill their time
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011):
would it hurt to suggest that you meet up to see if you get on face to face?
**
Again - this is NOT some random person I do not know. We are friends. I know him. I have met him, many times in person, been out with him, laughed, cried and had fun. We do get on face to face, because that is why we are friends.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): If he is suggesting that he would like to have sex then that is what he would like. He does not seem to be arranging to meet for dates, take you out or see you in any other way.I feel wary of someone that is asking for sex who is not in direct face to face contact with you on a daily basis.I also think that it is disrespectful of him to expect something from you whilst talking about fancying other women at work. That would tear me apart. Are you really interested in somebody who is blatantly telling you that he fancies other women who are much physically closer to him than you.It puts pressure on you. You like him, you give him your time, but he is also considering other women at work (like a salesman saying somebody else is interested in order to manipulate you into a sale.)BUT having said that you do seem to be spending time together on the telephone, would it hurt to suggest that you meet up to see if you get on face to face? (not for sex and not for some time), then you can see for yourself how interested or not he is without taking somebody elses word for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 Okay, he has been in love with you for years, he just has been too scared to ever ask you out. He finally has moved accross the country from you, so he can talk to you and flirt with you on the phone so he no longer has to be scared to reveal his true feelings for you.And when he suggests that the two of you have sex it is because he wants to take your relationship to a deeper level, move in and have babies with you.Happy?
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (19 February 2011):
You really have a habit of reading into things that aren't said or aren't there don't you? He is having masturbatory conversation with you just by making sexual comments, innuendos, to himself this is masturbatory, he probably has an erection while talking to you and then who knows what he does when he "gets off" the phone with you.Geez, lighten up, no one is calling you a slut. Just because a guy is behaving like him says nothing about you, except that perhaps you need to understand that just because a man will waste your time talking to you on the phone all of the time, does't mean that he wants a romantic deep abiding love relationship with you.And what he wants has nothing to do with how great you are.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont believe I mentioned anything about "masterbatory conversation" as you put it.
You can be flirty and suggestive without having sex on the other end of the phone! I take offense that you think I would be some kind of cheap slut.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): Most people here have already answered your question - yes it does sound like he's looking for more than just friends but what people don't know is if he wants a relationship or just sex.
Just because you've known him for years don't assume he won't use you as a booty call if that's what he's after. Of course if you're after something casual too then there's no problem.
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (19 February 2011):
I didn't get the wrong end of the stick, I read very well.I can see that you have known him a long time as friends and that you two have never dated or been an item. I can see that he has recently moved far away and talks to you on the phone for an hour every day.I can see that he tells you about the women that he fancies at work and tells you he would like to find a nice woman to settle down with.I can see that he flirts with you like crazy and in your words has suggested that the two of you have sex, and that he makes sexually based remarks.My original advice was basesd on that knowledge provided by you and your question, is his behavior weird or does it suggest something deeper?What it suggests to me is that he is lonely, he sees you as a friend and he would like to make you a friend with benefits and is dropping hints hoping that you will have phone sex with him as a prelude to a sexual fling. Whether or not that would develop into something deeper is questionable, as are his intentions.In no way is he acting like a man who wants something deeper with you, he lives too far away for one, he is lonely, he hasn't found a woman there, he is interested in local women whom he works with and he is simply getting his ego needs met by flirting and having masturbatory conversation with you....sorry to be so blunt, but that is the reality of the situation. His behavior is what you need to pay attention to. This man has known you for a long time and sees you as a friend, if he were romantically interested in something deeper don't you think that he would have pursued that with you by now?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would just like to clarify - It is not PHONE SEX!!!!
That is something I would never do as I find it incredibly sleazy.
Also, I feel that you may have got the wrong end of the stick. I do KNOW this guy. We are old friends, its not someone ive met on the internet, or some creep who is trying to pursue me.
We are old friends, its just he is far away at the moment. He calls me every day. None of my other guy friends do this. Within the conversations, which cover many topics, work, life, politics, silly things we have seen on TV, he also flirts like crazy and drops suggestive hints.
All I wanted to know, was does this seem like he wanted to be more than friends?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): I knew a person who sounds similar to what you've described. In the end it turned out that while he was interested in having a relationship with me, he was also ok with just having me as a friend if I didn't feel the same way hence the talking about other girls he fancied and what was going on in his life in general.However this might not be the same thing, it could be that he's hoping for some no strings attached sex and is testing the water. Or it could be that he is actually interested in a relationship. The best way to go about it is to ask him and that way there should be no confusion or false hope. If you plan to meet up or date then just be careful and don't promise sex or do it the first time you meet up. You should know pretty quickly what he's really after if you do that.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): ok, sounds like he's just fantasizing about the women at work. Everyone fantasizes at some point. He's probably lonely and looking for companionship. He wants to meet you in person so that he can determine if the sparks he feels on the phone are there. If you are ready to meet him then proceed, but with caution. If not, keep talking to him on the phone. I seriously think he's desperate for love.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): ok sounds to me like he knows how to talk to women. when you say talks about women he fancies at work it could be in a friendly manner or maybe he's telling you he has fantacies about them nothing to be alarmed about as men fantasize as do women. i'm pretty sure you've had a fantacy about another man. all i have to say is you 2 will have to meet and see if the sparks fly like they do on the phone
...............................
A
female
reader, cupidscurse +, writes (19 February 2011):
As an outsider looking in, I would definitely reckon that he likes you and may be interested in pursuing a relationship with you. The reasons he might be talking about women at work etc. could be that he is looking for some affirmation from you first, before he makes his position clear. If you like him back then accept the signals and reciprocate them. However, the reason for this might also be that he is a straight-up ladies man. He might be a great guy, and it doesn't make him a bad person, but if you want the friendship to continue then I definitely wouldn't go there if this is your suspicion. But from the sounds of him talking about wanting to settle down with a nice girl, the former is probably the case. If I were you, I would hedge my bets and arrange a meeting with him, but MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS PERFECTLY CLEAR, whether you like him back or not. If the communication is clear enough between you then you will know in yourself what to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (19 February 2011):
If this guy were really really interested in a romantic relationship with you he would make that clear by asking to see you in person, taking you out on a date, not making sexual comments and dropping hints and talking about other women at work.He is just a horney dude that gets off talking to you on the phone and likes the sound of your voice....this doesn't indicate anything deeper than whats in your pants.It seems odd to me that you have to ask this question, if you are talking to him on the phone so much you would think your questions or comments about him would be about the deeper aspects of a developing relationship and getting to know the real him, instead you are confused about the sexual innuendos and that to me says he's kind of a player, creepy dude.He lives too far away from you, long distance relationships do not work, especially to start one out long distance. Men have a term for that, long distance booty call.If I were you I would expend less energy on this guy and seek a real love in the real world and in your own community....but I don't like phone sex.
...............................
|
