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We still have feelings for each other but he doesn't want to date

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 October 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 10 October 2018)
A female United States age 16-17, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months and we broke up 2 months ago. I miss him so much. HE still has feelings for me and I still have feelings for him but he doesn't want to date anyone right now. I have no idea what to do. Any thoughts?

View related questions: broke up

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (10 October 2018):

If you are still keeping in-touch, that won't let you get over him.

When you say you still have feelings for each other; that may not mean the same-thing for him, as it means for you.

You have to stop contacting each other and discussing it.

He will always care about you, but he's moving-on past the feelings that made him want to be with you. You can miss each other's company; but the fact you broke-up, means it wasn't good enough to hold together. So it wasn't really as good as your mind is telling you it was.

You need to keep your mind focused on your other friends; or make some friends, if you don't have any.

You need to get deeper into your schoolwork and studies; or it will suffer, while you let your mind wonder worrying too much about him. Right-now, you can't move-on; because you might be checking-up on him through social media, or friends. You can't do that, and still get over him. It keeps reminding you how badly you feel.

It will help if you tried to have some fun. Don't check your phone so much, and enjoy hanging-out with friends. Girls tend to get too emotionally-involved and depressed over broken puppy-love relationships. So badly, they may let their schoolwork suffer. They will neglect their friends, and act as though they have no family. Everything is about that boy!

This is why most parents will not let their daughters date at your age. It's harder to get-over a broken-heart when you're so young. It never gets easy, but when you're older; your mind is more developed psychologically, and you can handle these situations better.

You'll feel better in about another month. You'll get used to not having him around. If you don't stalk him!

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (10 October 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhat you need to do is understand that breaking up is part of dating, that not all relationships are meant to be long term and that you two are just not "doable" at the moment as it takes two to make a relationship work.

Spend as much time as possible with your friends and having fun so that your thoughts are not all about him all the time. I would keep contact with him to a minimum (zero if possible) as that will help you move on. He tells you he still has "feelings" for you either because he thinks that will soften the blow of breaking up with you or because he thinks that will keep you on the back burner for him in case nobody better comes along. Don't allow him to use you as his "plan B" because you deserve to be someone's "plan A".

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (10 October 2018):

YouWish agony auntHe is too immature for any kind of relationship. If you both are a similar age, then he's like a kid who is sitting at a table filled with a lot of different kinds of candy. He doesn't want to commit because he wants to try as much candy as he can handle, and will probably leave the table with a bad stomachache.

The guy is being led by his penis and not by his heart. The good news is that there are a ZILLION other guys out there who will take his place and date you.

Most INCEL's start out like this guy, and wonder why no other girl will have him.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 October 2018):

Honeypie agony auntCut the contact as much as you possibly can.

While you two are still wrapped up in the EMOTIONS for each other, neither of you will move forward.

It's OK to miss someone as a partner/BF/GF but at some point you are going to have to accept that he is NO longer your BF and you are going to have to RESPECT that he doesn't want to date you... or anyone else right now. That might not have ANYTHING to do with how he feels about you. Maybe he knows he needs to focus on school or he knows that he isn't mature enough for a relationship... OR he simply wants to be single and do as he pleases without having to consider a partner. EITHER way... that is OK.

BUT I would minimize the time you spend on him, with him, texting and talk etc. Focus on YOUR grades, topics, hobbies, friends and family.

When a relationship ends, that OTHER person is no longer a priority in your life. EVEN if you care for them. You CAN care for someone and not be a good match or not be together.

However, if you keep revolving around him like you are the moon and he the sun... you are not making yourself a priority. And you SHOULD be one.

Wish him luck and cut him off, best as you can. If you see him daily in classes or at school you can still be polite, say hi etc, but avoid hanging out and spending time alone.

Eventually you will get over this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2018):

Let him go .. sometimes young love does happen . I was 15teen and my husband was going on 17 teen . He coached me in math and it went from there .. 3 kids later and still together. However our middle one is a girl and I'm saying she needs to live a little before a big relationship . I'm not saying that I regret mine but she shouldn't rush . So sit back you have all the time in the world

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