A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Guys,Just want some outside opinion on a tricky situation. I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months and last week we found out I am pregnant. I know it is iresponsible, but I don't want a lecture! We talked about it, and even though we were both in shock we decided that we could do this as we are both adults who care about each other and could try and make things work. I can't face the abortion idea at all ( which surprised me as I always thought I would if it happened) The biggest problem is that he was seeing someone else when we first started going out and although he broke up with her I'm now having doubts as to whether that was true. I flew home (he is away on a course for 5 weeks) and then got an email saying that he wants me to have an abortion and that he can't say he would be there for the baby . He also is so worried about telling the other girl and face everyone when we go back to college. So I thought ok, maybe I will be doing this alone. Then he txts that he is worried about me and doesn't want to lose me and lots of cliche nice things. My question is what do you guys think? I don't know if he is just saying nice things in the hope that I will abort the baby and he wont have to tell anyone either.p.s. He is my age.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 If you have an abortion "because he wants you to" and that is the only reason, you may regret that choice for the rest of your life.If you stay with him after you've had an abortion to make him happy, you will resent him. And at this point, you aren't sure if he wants to be with you or his ex.Start to think in terms of what you want for you (and your baby). Being a single mother is hard work, however raising a child is the MOST rewarding thing you WILL EVER DO, and every ounce of hard work will be well worth the effort. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it is the right decision for YOU. When you are two, five and ten years older (regardless of what you decide) you will be grateful you made a decision that was right for you and not for a guy who may not be there in two weeks.As a single mother, I found my family (mother, father, sisters, cousins, uncles, etc.) absolutely priceless while raising my daughter.Perhaps a conversation with your family will help to clarify your options.Good Luck!
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (9 September 2009):
 I think the worst thing any people can do to a child is to bring a child into this world where it is not fully wanted, or will be cared for.
Using a child to bring a couple closer together does not work in the real world, because the problems that drove the couple apart, are still there, regardless of the child.
Your child deserves every advantage available at the start of life, and using your kid as a means to fix a broken relationship, that never got past the romantic stage, is as bad as any form of child abuse (irresponsible is just the tip of it).
-Frank Kermit
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
male
reader, Zhou Wang  +, writes (9 September 2009):
It sounds as if you two barely know each other, and it sounds like a disaster in the making.
Men intensely dislike the idea of marrying because it implies giving up the potentially miles long lines of candidates for one night stands. If he hasn't yet had his fill of women of all sizes, hues, and shapes, it would be a mistake for him to either marry you or anybody else.
For him, being "around" for you and your kid is the same thing as marriage without the benefits of having clean laundry and dinner on the table when he gets home. It won't happen.
He's thinking of paternity suits and having to pay for that kid; that's why he's suggesting that you should have an abortion.
You haven't yet thought of how hard it will be for that child to grow up without a father and for you to provide everything that child will need.
Don't bring another fatherless kid into this world; there are plenty of those already. Unless your family has deep pockets and is willing to support you, don't do it. You'll regret your choice every minute of that kid's childhood, and that is no way for a child to grow up.
The next time that you get intimate behave responsibly.
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A
female
reader, BlacknBeautiful  +, writes (9 September 2009):
You have to your own personal judgment; you haven’t told us how u feel about the pregnancy. If you are strong enough to go through this without him, just incase he doesn’t stick around for your child then you go right ahead and have your baby and take care of them and give them the world, but if you know that your not going to be able to if he’s not there then don’t just have the baby thinking that he’s going to start acting rite and it will fix the relationship because it wont. But you have to make the final decision.
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A
female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (9 September 2009):
I hate to sound harsh but it sounds like he may not be that into you..It is just as hard for a guy as it is a girl sometimes to deal wit these types of situations. You are both young & in over your heads to soon. But whats done is done at this point. If you cant see yourself having an abortion than no guy caan make you get one. You have to prepare yourself if hes really not ready & doesnt want to be a father, than you cannot force him to. Now it will be up to you to do what you have to dofor your child without him if thats the way its going to be. He is probably genuine as far as his concern for you but also may have feeling for someone else. You say you havebt been together very long.This is a very scary thought to have a child when you are not ready but its not his fault or yours both of you were being careless and this is the result. Just hope for the best but be prepared for th worst case scenerio. & that is you may have to be a single mom if thats what you choose. You wont be the first & you wont be the last. Sometimes things dont work out the way we plan. Im a single mom of 3 it can be done.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 September 2009):
 I think you might be on your own, no matter what you decide. He seems to have no clue what he wants and honestly a little immature.
Do you want to be a single mom? If so, have the baby. I don't think he will stick around. And I don't think you can count on him for much as far as raising the child.
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