A
female
age
36-40,
*singopera
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. We are both twenty. We have had our ups and downs, to say the least. He never takes me out on dates. He says he is too poor because he needs to pay rent. But dinner or a movie once in a while? Is that bad to ask? He says I'm materialistic but I wanted to be dated. I don't feel valued. Am I being dramatic? Don't we all deserve to be taken out on a date? The only time we do go out is when I pay for it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 September 2012):
 I feel for him, because at 20, I was a poor college student living on my own. Unless someone's really well off or living with their parents, who can afford wining and dining?!
After a year of dating, we did Dutch on all of our dates unless it was a special occasion like birthdays or holidays or one of us got a windfall or whatever. I didn't mind it, and we found really inexpensive dates to go on, like instead of a movie theater, we went to Dollar night on Tuesdays at this old hole-in-the-wall theater. For $5 bucks, we could get a good movie (second run, after the main theaters stopped showing it but before DVD), and a large popcorn and Coke combo.
We'd do things that didn't cost money either, like finding the state funded trails and hiking them, setting up a picnic at the state benches (great suggestion Abella!).
I agree - if he's buying lots of boy toys for himself or running to the pubs or clubs with his guy friends, then it's off, because he's cheap. However, if his life reflects that he's a guy of meager means (typical for poor college students), then yeah, you might want to cut him a break and go dutch or find much cheaper or free dates to go on.
We were so poor that one time, our date was to go to the local supermarket on Sunday Sample day and try out all the free samples! We actually got full and then bought a box of frozen Chicken Kiev so we didn't feel so guilty! :D
We went to the state-run zoo too, which was free. He bought me an ice cream cone for 50 cents. :) Sometimes I miss those days, and we've spent obscene amounts of money on dates since. I started earning more money in our relationship after graduating college and finding a good job, so there were a few more times when I paid because I knew he couldn't afford it (mainly pro sports games since we're Vikings fans), but he would do sweet things like going on snack runs for us there or buying me flowers (even at $2 because he thought of me at the gas station) , so it didn't matter to me one bit.
Keep your eyes on what really matters. Is he a good man of integrity? Is he a hard worker and motivated to succeed? Does he treat you well? Is he kindhearted and considerate? Is he working towards a goal as opposed to slacking, partying, and smoking or drinking up his money? THOSE are the real questions, along with whether he's indulging himself and spending lavish money on himself while telling you he has nothing.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 September 2012):
 I'm thinking the same directions as TasteofIndia.
This guy needs to lighten up a little.
And he needs to open his mind to some more creative possibilities.
And anytime he expects you to pay 100% then it is time to introduce the 50:50 rule.
This guy has already introduced the 'start as you mean to go on'
Well you do still deserve some joy and some romance.
A picnic lunch, made at home, plus a rug, and then choose a scenic place to sit on the rug and talk and enjoy your picnic lunch.
A public garden that people can visit - go visit it and have a good look around.
Auctions are fun and you can learn something. Especially for furniture and collectables. And it will cost him nothing since, if he has so little, he will not be able to afford to bid.
Learn to play bridge together and then join a bridge club together - it's an inexpensive hobby as the equipment is a pack of cards.
Go architecture spotting for Art Deco building. Visit the Libary to learn more.
Some heritage listed buildings even have 'friends of.....' and conduct tours for small groups at a minimal cost.
Hire two bicycles and go for a two hour cycle as a date
Eat a sweet snack together at the end of the journey.
Visit the nearest indoor or outdoor swimming facility and enjoy swimming together.
Volunteer together on a local project to make your world a better place
And lack of money is no excuse for refusing to bring a little romance into dates outside the home.
At home you can cook together, develop new inexpensive recipes together.
if he finds money tight and will not take you on dates .......BUT.........drum roll......... BUT....he still can buy himself beers then he just lost his excuse.
If the he is selfish, and can find money to spend on himself, but refuses to take you on dates then I would consider the only option would be to say good bye to him.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (16 September 2012):
 I don't think you're being dramatic. It is important to feel courted a bit and to go out together. However, you can go out on dates that don't cost him money. He could put together a picnic, take you to a local fair, you could go for a walk in the park, go to a little league baseball game, to an ice cream parlor, a free local music show, a free museum...
It seems that he feels a pressure to spend money, and he may be smart not to be spending very much on pricey dates - hey, dinner can add up. Even the movies nowadays are ridiculously expensive. I think you should be a bit more understanding towards him needing to pay bills, but he needs to find some creativity to cater to you and your relationship as well.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 September 2012):
 So you DO go out? You just have to be the one to pay?
Do you live at home? and He lives by himself? And since when does a date have to cost a lot of money?
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