A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee and I have been engaged for over a year and dating for four. We recently moved back to her home city. She started feeling differently about me over the past few months. We lived in a shitty home in my home town of 5,000 people. She didnt fit in and was very depressed. Now she is starting to feel happy again since she is independent again and in her familiar surroundings. She doesnt find me sexually attractive any more and cannot control it. She also questions if she wants to be in a relationship for the rest of her life and whether she wants kids. Before she became depressed she wanted to have kids right after the wedding and wanted to be together for life.She wants to change and be the way she was again before she became depressed. What should she do? Should she date other people to see how much she loves me? Should she have one last hurrah with another man? She has only had sex with four other men in her life and i have been with 20 women. Please help! We love each other but are stuck in a rut.
View related questions:
depressed, engaged, fiance, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 February 2007):
 I'm very sad for you, sweetness.
It sounds like to me, your fiancé felt trapped in the little town you lived in together, so she clung to you (since she didn't really fit in with anyone else) and settled. She wanted kids so she would have someone to fit in with. I know this feeling, I'm sort of having them right now.
Now that she's back in her hometown, in a familiar setting, she's happy again. She probably hasn't been this happy in five years! She's probably so excited to feel this way again, she wants to have time to revel in her happiness. I understand why she's pushing you away a little bit - she's been holding on to you so HARD for the last five years because she's had no one else, now she has her life back and wants to let go of you a littl ebit and reclaim herself and her happiness.
Maybe counseling would help a little bit? I think she does need time to build herself up again, and to adjust to this rush of happiness and independence. I don't know if she really needs to be dating other guys, but she needs to get this newly re-discovered excitement for life out of her system.
I think seeing someone and getting a suggestion from a professional will help. If she really wants to be with you and wants to try to make things work, it'll happen and she'll put in the effort. Good luck, sweetness. Stay strong for yourself and for her.
xxIndia
|
