A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 28 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 8 years older than me. I have told my parents, and being the judgmental types that they are, they think he is too old for me. They also said he is probably taking advantage of me because I am a lot younger than him.Here's where it gets worse. This man was divorced under a year ago and has a 3 year old boy. How am I ever going to tell my parents about his divorce and son if they can't even accept that he is 8 years older than me? Should I break up with my boyfriend? Our relationship isn't perfect but we do like each other a lot, have the same morals, interests and get along well. I was more than willing to give him a chance before my parents steppped in and gave their opinions. Now I am having doubts. Please help.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 You are 28 and he is 36… sounds good to me. Why at 28 do your parents have to approve your relationship? I’m 52 and my fiancé is 38… I have a son your age.. and another age 25… just telling you these things to put it in perspective for you as I give you my educated opinion on this… My fiancé is not old enough to be a parent to my sons…
How are you going to tell your parents about the divorce and the child? Are you and the boyfriend THAT serious? Because if you are it’s simple… “mom and dad, you know I love you both very much and I do care that you approve of my life (because even at 52 I care what my daddy thinks)…. but regardless of how you feel about it, Bob and I are a committed couple and we are happy together… I want you to know that along with this lovely new son in law you are getting you are also getting a GREAT step-grandson to spoil and love”…..
If you are not that serious, then why do they need to be told the details of your life?
If the ONLY reason you would break up with him is because your parents don’t approve, don’t.
IF you only date who your parents approve of, why not just let them pick the man you are to marry and be done with it?
After a certain point we cannot live our lives to please our parents. As a parent we need to learn that while we give our kids their roots… we also have to teach them to stand on their own… we have to give them their wings too… it’s harder to give the wings…. So you are going to have to be the grown up here and claim your freedom…
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 April 2012):
 If you know your parents are judgmental, why are you allowing their opinions to influence your choices? Do you lack judgment of your own and rely on others to decide for you?
You are 28, not 16 or 18, you're not a youngster with no experience in the world, or are you?
You told them the situation, they gave their opinion, now you get to decide for yourself. If you like the guy and see a future, why not?
I will add though that being less than a year out of a divorce, he may be unsettled and not really ready for a relationship of the type you are hoping for. I'd be cautious of making any major life decisions until he's been divorced for longer.
It's just dating, he hasn't asked you to marry him or move in already, has he?
"Thanks, Mom and Dad, for your loving opinion. I'm going to take it from here. I hope I can count on your emotional support for my happiness!"
Then don't make a big deal out of any information you divulge about him. Be matter-of-fact. Yes, he's a few years older. Why yes, he was married before, not surprising in a guy in his 30s. A child is in the picture too, again, not surprising in your age bracket and his (which aren't THAT far apart, by the way).
Presumably your parents have your best interests at heart. Presumably, you are old enough to make wise and healthy decisions for your own well-being. That's all you need to remember. "Thanks for the input, Mom and Dad, I'll take it onboard! Love you!" And then go on about your own life, making your own decisions, okay?
Be gentle and slow and thoughtful and you'll be just fine.
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