A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help me! I have been seeing this girl with an 8 yr old daughter since February 2008. She had mentioned that she wasn't looking for a serious relationship so we kept it mutual. A few months later (May) she read a few flirtatious emails I had sent out to another girl...that's where she confessed she loved me and wanted a serious relationship with me but the email threw her off. We agreed to make it official and she asked me to stop talking to that other girl, which I did. We would talk about marriage, children...the works. Well she has a male friend that she had since high school (we're 25 by the way) and he addressees her as sweety and hunny. I asked her to stop as well and that's where the problems started. Ever since last summer (2008) we have had similar arguments, we both love each other very much but we argue for no reason. I told her i don't like to argue and for the sake of that I chose to remain silent while she vents off. she hates the fact that i remain silent, she says I don't communicate with her but when I say one thing and she hears another and vise versa....and we keep arguing about the same things. Jealousy. She also accuses me of not being there for her but I am! I'm paying her phone bill, give her money when I can, and we spend lots of time together. I believe her past has alot to do with it. Her mother was a drunk and was never there when she needed her most...she was neglected by her mom, older sister and her father abandoned her when she was a baby. I think she might be mimicking them in some way. She is also a full time student, works part-time and share custody of her daughter. I think that has a major toll on her as well. She seems very stressed out and recently began seeing a psychiatrist. This week I found a picture of her getting a lap dance from her female friend during a house party. On that picture there is a guy standing right next to her with his arm around her and when I asked her who that was she kept saying "what guy?" I felt as she was trying to make look like a fool. So we argued, but this time it was more intense and I took her phone. I told her I want to focus on setting a foundation to raise a family with her and she was more focused on partying with her friends. We don't understand each other, I feel as she wants to "wear the pants" in the relationship but I tell her as a couple it should be 50/50. From her point of view, she would say something like this....He doesn't understand I'm a full time mother, student, worker. I have high demands and is very stressful. I have friends that were there for me when my family wasn't and hes jealous about my male friends and who I hangout with. I would like him to come along and meet my friends but he's just too jealous. He won't want me to talk to anyone, so I don't invite him. Hes flirtatious and i think he has lied to me in the past about it. I love him with all my heart and just wish he would understand. So I don't know what to do, we have tried working things out so many times and it works out for about a month if not days. Please help our relationship I don't want to loose her!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Maybe you're resentful about her "ordering" you to stop communicating with that other girl.
I am looking for answers too, I keep fighting with my GF too, and it also bothers me when she says that I'm pretty and stuff like that, she also tells me not to smoke cigarettes and watch porno movies and goes as far as to threaten separation if I do any of these.
So maybe it's resent because of this attitude. I never expected her to boss me like this. I feel like a fool too. I probably resent her for pushing things when I was not really ready, and wanted more time. Yet if I want more time. But then, I didn't tell her...
Anyway, sorry for talking about my stuff. Best wishes. Again, you might be resentful about that girl she forced you to stop talking to. You wouldn't have asked her to stop talking to someone, would you?
A
female
reader, katejessica  +, writes (6 June 2009):
This sounds a lot like my relationship, except role reversal.. he's the cranky stressed one!
It is quite simple really.. if she goes out, it needs to be with you or with mutual friends or people that know you/you know/know that she's in a relationship.
You should also talk about how you feel about how eachother and all the good things about eachother so that whilst yes you argue, there are also so many things you love about eachother.
Whilst fighting take time. Calm down. Think. I find this works for me alot and we usually just have a cuddle and let it all go.
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