A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i need help i have been with my husband for 10 yeasr and married for 6 we have 4 boys together and it just seems like we are not ment to be in a relationship it seems as if te only thing we have in commom are our children and sex at times other than that the things he likes to do i do not such are drinking he is intoother thing that i can ride with but i have explained to him how much i do not like the drinking and it is as if he just does not care i dont feel like i should be subjected to him and this issue he has gotten into trouble behind it he turns into a very angry person after he drinks i dont feel like after 10 years he gets what i am saying not askin him to stop just to set a limit of maybe 1-2 drinks after that he turns into a person i cant stand he never does right everything he touches turns to pure hell i have his back for everything but it just seems like i am getting feed up i have dealt with all aspect of abuse infidelty going to the courthouse getting the divorc package and not filling it out 4 children finanical burdens and i feel like i am getting to the breaking point i am just starting not to care what happens or what the turn out maybe we have even been thru counseling and he lied to the Dr. what else can i trymarriageonthebrinks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (22 March 2009):
 Honestly, counseling only works for people who want to fix the problems going on. If he lied to the therapist, he has no interest in fixing his behavior. It is time to give him the heave-ho. You deserve better.
Maybe a few years from now he will realize that he lost the best woman to ever happen to him. But don't wait around and subject yourself to his nonsense any longer.
You did what you could. If he doesn't want to fix things, no amount of counseling in the world will make him change.
A
male
reader, sometimes ( Iwish)  +, writes (22 March 2009):
 Your Marriage is on the brinks by what you have said here!Remember this, you have four children. What is being taught to them. Is it better for them, and you to be away from your husband's current attitude towards life? Set aside everything you feel, step outside of the box and give yourself the respect you deserve here. You have made a tremendous effort over the duration you have spent with this person. It is ok for you to save yourself. If this lifestyle isn't working out; you are waisting the precious time in your life.Show your children how to really live. Show yourself too! Don't worry about the finances involved; life works the way you let it. Let go of all your limitating thoughts and challenge this marriage to work, or fail. Your husband sounds like he's doing it already.Win this one for you. Trust yourself, don't put up with the poor emotions being created by this man.Take some time and consider this: What do really want for the life?Be it happines, or peace of mind, just find and take what you actually need. Don't be afraid anymore....Regards,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): I'm not sure how the divorce system works in the US, but maybe you should get those divorce papers completed and shoved in his face. List everything that is a 'divorceable offence'. If he realises he's about to lose you and possibly the kids as well he might either shape up or he could whoop for joy. He might not realise how good he's got it at the moment, but the thought of losing it might just shock him into changing.
If his drink problem is a bad one, and it sure sounds like it, he'll most probably deny that he's got a problem. The trouble is, alcoholics firstly have to admit they've got a problem and have to really want to stop their drinking before there's any chance of them doing anything about it. Once he's admitted he's got a problem, AA are there to help and they are very good at it. He won't be able to stop on his own and he'll need lots of help and encouragement, but like I said, first off he has to realise and admit the problem to himself.
Good luck - you'll probably need it if you stay with him and his drinking gets even worse. Think of the kids too - it can't be very pleasant for them either, and if they are suffering badly that's a good enough reason to get those divorce papers served.
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