A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:please can someone help me, im completely devestated and have no idea what to do :(my ex and I have been dating since we were kids and have been best friends for years. we've had our problems and have often worked them out, but have split up a few times when things got too much. i love him dearly and i know he loves me too, we have been through so much together but recently i found out he had cheated on me and we broke up for 3 months.now we're talking again, but he told me yesterday that within those 3 months, he slept with 3 other people - one of which was the girl he cheated on me with. this is a massive deal as previously we had only slept with each other.i dont know whether to forgive him, put it to the back of my mind and continue to work through our problems and maybe get back together, or whether to accept that things will never be perfect and that he has crossed the line.he has only done what most other people do, sleep with a few people, and he is only 21. i can learn to get over it, but i feel so betrayed. can anyone give me any advice? should i cut my losses and struggle on without him, or forgive and forget and try to make things better?thank you so much for your time
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (15 February 2012):
 Why would you think that you'll 'struggle on without him'? You're going to be struggling more with him than without him. He cheated on you, then slept with the girl again and again in addition to two others. You're going to be dealing with heartach, loss of trust, feelings of jealousy for the rest of your relationship with him. Isn't that more of a struggle???
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): The problem is not what he did when you were apart, the problem is what he did when you were together.He's not all in the relationship, not clear why, but that takes professional help to understand.Read a couple of these books and you might see some answers.But, in the absence of couples counseling, move on. Cheaters cheat because of their own internal issues, and unless he deals with them constructively, he will do it again, and again. Cheating is a destructive behavior that comes from dealing with internal emotional needs in a nonconstructive manner.http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Affair-Program-Together/dp/157230801Xhttp://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012): It sounds more like sex matters than a loving relationship. I see his reasoning that since he was not in a monogamous, committed relationship, he can sleep around if he so chooses.
Even though you may have told him it hurts he would so such a thing when you are broken up and you haven't? thus in your mind, you are really in love with your Ex and he wasn't. Its stuff like that that makes or breaks a relationship. I see and understand both sides.
I say, in the end, time to move on.
He establishes a pattern of sleeping around so he could start a fight to break up, go out and sleep around, then when that gets old, and you ask him back, he comes back. This is not what a loving or faithful man does. A loving, faithful man is too heartbroken to think of being with another woman and loses desire to even think to touch another.
Time for you two to grow apart, become your own people, and find others that will love and respect one another and the relationship.
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (15 February 2012):
 dear just cut your losses with him..he will hurt you again and again if u keep forgiving him...you deserve better..find someone who will appreciate you
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 February 2012):
 you were broken up when he did this so he didn't cheat on you this time...
if you have broken up more than once and gotten back together over and over you are established in a pattern that will be hard to break.... are you sure you want to sign on for the roller coaster this relationship is?
Personally, it sounds to me like in the long run it will be better to end it and move on to new relationships...
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