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How can I tell if he is cheating? What should I look out for?

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 February 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 16 February 2012)
A female South Africa age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi I think my fiance Is cheating on me wth his colleague,he's always sending her messages claiming to me that it work related.so I would like to know what to look out for,how can I be sure that he's cheating,I want to know the signs becouse he once cheated on before,before I actualy get married to him I want to know what kind of a man he realy is.

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A female reader, PerhapsNot United States +, writes (16 February 2012):

PerhapsNot agony aunt"I want to know what kind of a man he realy is"

He is a man who already cheated on you. He is a man that you don't and can't trust. What will you do if you were to find out that he was cheating on you again? Will you say for the third time "how can I be sure he is cheating on me. I want to know what kind of a man he is?" You already know he is not to be trusted. You just want to know if he is cheating again and chances are he is.

What kind of a job does he have where you have to text co-workers after hours that's work related? Unless he is a CEO, Director or some major hot shot who is working 24/7 to keep things running there is no such thing as work-related texts. You text your co-workers for fun.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012):

Ok well first of all, im sorry you feel like that. Its a horrible feeling and i wouldnt wish it on anyone having felt that way myself recently.

Heres what im currently doing. Ask him for his phone to make a call or send a text (say yours is at home) then see how he reacts to giving it to you. If hes shifty, not good. Also he cant take his phone into the shower so read his messages when hes got the tap on. If u dont live together-go away for a night to a hotel and then read it there. Also try and access his email accounts. Get him to log on , on your computer and click the remember password button. I heard of other keylogger programs you can use but i dont know much about them. Next ring him more often- in the evening. If he doesnt answer his phone-next time you talk to him ask him what he did for the evening. Then if u find out your suspisions are true you'll know he lied to you and tried to make a fool of you (which should make it easier to walk away even temporarily to think). Finally as suggested before-follow him. If u have a car use it, if you dont ask your family to drive u or a close friend. Id also advice you to find someone u can trust to talk to about it. Preferably a family member as friends might throw stuff in years to come. Its hard going through it on your own so its nice to have someone to talk to and maybe when u discover stuff to make u feel better.

I really hope he isnt for your sake. Im still trying to figure out if my guy is. Its funny coz i guess he isnt really my guy eh. I know hes meeting a girl next week and he hasnt told me about it yet. And it was valentines yesterday and being honest i wanted to throw the chocolates and flowers at him. I dont understand why guys cant do honesty and more importantly loyalty. If you find the answer to that then let me know.

Best of luck and please let us know how u get on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2012):

Signs:

1) if he doesn't give you info about this girl...

2) doesn't allow you to look at his phone.. or has a password for his phone.. you were not aware of..

3) seems distant... is not spending time with you

4) ask him if he is happy with your sex life.. if he says no.. then he is giving himself a reason to cheat

I saw this on OPRAH.. If a guy has cheated on you then he has thought to himself- "YOU (the person who he is cheating on) are worth LOSING".

So I would advice you to leave this guy.. he has already cheated on you once and you still seem to be unsure of the guy... and how did you manage to get engaged to him if you don't know who he is...

How do you do that?

Leave him.. considering he has already cheated on you and that he might be doing it again.. save yourself from this pain.. and dump this guy ASAP..

Consider him a bullet that needs to be dodged.. you are lucky you aren't married to him.. LEAVE HIM PLEASE...

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A female reader, bardia United States +, writes (15 February 2012):

bardia agony auntIf you don't know him well enough already prior to marriage and you have these kinds of suspicions, reservations and do not trust him, then I would reconsider this marriage. A marriage will only survive on strong trust. Unfortunately, some people are extremely good at covering tracks, they have no guilty conscience and can do these kinds of things without even flinching. But do not proceed into this marriage until you know for certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is faithful to you alone. For as paingful as it may be, it is better to know on this side of the wedding than on the other...

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