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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear CupidI had an arranged marriage. I got married about 4 years ago. We have been living together for 2.5 years since he was in school when we got married.My problem is hurting me. My husband does not like my parents. My parents gave us a home to live in, fully furnished. He refuses to eat dinner at my parents' home when they invite us, because he has an ego problem. He says I can not eat from that home because I do not want to be a burden on them. I let it go for a while then one day after my parents kept asking me to come over and what's wrong, why wont my husband come over.I called him at work and TOLD HIM we are going over to my parents' house for dinner and I did not make anything at home. His reply was "you are not obeying me" and then went on to some profanity and then hung up the phone. I feel like anything my parents do for him he can't appreciate. My father gave him a laptop, let me also tell you I have never reminded my husband that my father bought him that laptop, but 1 night when me and my husband got into an argument, he walked over to the laptop and smashed it on the ground into a hundred pieces. We were supposed to save up for a home while living in my parents' home, but his aunt and uncle keep asking for money back home in Pakistan to rebuild their home. He feels so loyal to them. I stopped talking to them, because he can't treat my parents with any respect. I feel like sometimes I want to kick him out, or I just want to run away. This asshole is a product of my parents picking him, educating him and helping build a home for him and me, but there is not appreciation. I want to run away.What should I do?
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male
reader, dream_lover +, writes (21 January 2006):
 I'm sorry but you need to open up and tell your family what is going on you don't need to live that way.My parents chose him to be my husband I never understand that way of life any way.You don't let your parents pick husband or wife.You never know what your get that way pick your own man to be your husband not what they pick.Like I said tell your family how you feel and tell them you want out.hope I hope could help good luck and hope for a better life.
A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (19 January 2006):
 I'm not fully in tune with your customs, (sorry about that) but I can tell you what I would do. First of all if he doesn't appreciate what YOUR parents have given him then that includes YOU. I would go to your father and mother and explain that since you were given to him; by them; that they should also DIVORCE the two of you. I don't know if this is allowed by your custom/country, but I do know that GOD does not want any of his children suffering at the hand of another. Husbands should be and are taught (in christianity) to cherish their WIFE and never speak ill of her nor her family. I do believe that he has violated GOD's word. I would think that your parents would not want you to suffer for the remainder of your life. I think they should take back everything they have given him including you.
Good luck
Ed
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2006): Do not think about running away, it will just upset your parents. Your right, they did pick this egotistic asshole to be your husband - so this should make it easier for you to talk to them. You dont have to explain the whole situation, just that he is being unreasonable. It is understandable that he wants to help his family back home in there time of need, maybe you can use this to help him understand where you are coming from. Your family have been very supportive of him, maybe a little bit too supportive. They must stop buying him things, and you must not let him walk all over you. If he doesnt want to eat at your parents, ask your parents over to your house. If that doesnt work ask your mum to cook for you and take it home. If none of this works then leave him at home to cook for himself and you go to your parents. I'd also advise if you do not work, find something to keep your mind occupied.
Most of all make this man realise that he is lucky to be married into a loving family like yours - because not all in laws are like that!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2006): sounds to me like he resents the fact he had an arranged marriage, and possibly at too young an age, if he was still at school. Best thing for you to do is sit down and talk with him and find out if this is the case. If he does feel like, then relationship councelling might be helpful. There could also be part of him that doesn't want your parents to 'build a home' for you, he may feel that he should be providing you with this off his own back. If this is the case then you need to reassure him that your parents are doing this because they care.
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