A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me,just up and left.A week later i slept with his friend.We got back together a couple days after that. I told him what happened,and he still can't forgive me and hates me everyday for it. I dont know if we are going to make it or not.Should we just go ahead and give it up?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Your boyfriend just 'upping and leaving' you with no explanation sounds fairly immature and disrespectful on his part. Did your boyfriend ever tell you why he just "up and left"? Was he sleeping with another woman before you two got back together? (I've worked with guys who I've seen break up with their girlfriends, multiple times, sleep with another woman, and get right back with their old girlfriend. First of all, the old girlfriend is stupid for taking the guy back, because the guy really just cheated on her and he did so with a clear conscience, because after all, they were broken up.) Anyways, in my opinion, if your boyfriend broke up with you to 'cheat' with another woman, and found it didn't work out, and therefore he got you back, then he cheated on you first. Maybe you should be asking yourself "Why am I taking back this guy?" But, if the guy had some possibly decent reason, however doubtful, for just leaving you, then you sleeping with his friend was an act of betrayal, and that's not easy for him to forget. From the sound of it, he betrayed you, and you double-betrayed him back -- checkmate, game over.
A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Just this once, I'm going to give an honest answer...You might have done something a bit reckless but technically you did not cheat...So if I was a referee, I would be in no position to make a tough call here.
Tell him to "shut up! And grow up! And get over it!"
Some shock therapy might do the trick. We all make mistakes, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.
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A
female
reader, candygurl +, writes (4 October 2010):
I personally don't think it will work because u slept with his friend HIS FRIEND. How would you feel if he slept with your friend. If y'all really love each other over time it will get better but it will be hard. Even doe u didn't cheat on him while y'all was together u did sleep with his friend and everytime u, him, and his friend all get together it will be awkard and he will feel hurt, embrassment, and possible shame. He will never forgive you right away and will continue rubbing it in your face its just your option in you wanna deal with dat. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Ouch.
Firstly, I think you have to decide if YOU think the relationship is important enough to fight for. Your actions suggest that you didn't understand WHY he left, and simply slept with his friend out of anger and bitterness.
Secondly, if you do decide to try to make a go of it, I think you need to be honest about what you did. I agree that technically you did not cheat, as HE left, but you sleep with his friend, ONE WEEK later? His FRIEND!! You could have slept with any number of eligible males, but you had to choose his friend? How would you feel, if he'd slept with one of your friends? I bet you'd feel like he really didnt care about you.
Then tell me, why did you tell him about it? Were you looking for an argument, or just wanting to let him know what you done, to somehow get even because he had the sheer temerity to walk out without a word? It all seems a little destructive to me from all angles. What did you hope to achieve by sleeping with his friend? If you wanted to totally end things, you couldn't have chosen a better way to do it.
Personally, I can completely understand his anger, if not his actions. He walked out, you didnt know what was going on. You cant understand it. So, to get a better handle on things, to try to get your head around the situation, you sleep with his friend.
He will never completely forgive you, things do not look great.
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A
male
reader, Jeffro1977 +, writes (4 October 2010):
Guess it depends on how long you two have been going out. If you have only been going out for like 3 weeks. Then there wasn't much time for the relationship to mature. If you two have been together for like 2 years, then ya 1 week later means you know the answer.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Well at least you were honest with him thats a good start. Ok so it probably is going to take time for him to get over this. But you need to sit down with him and ask him does he see the both of you working out in the long run. Show him that you are sorry but just remember you done nothing wrong as he broke up with you so you were single at the time, at least you never cheated on him. He just needs time to let go of it.
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