A
male
age
51-59,
*enkG
writes:Been in a relationship for a year, and now, I need to decide whether I want to take it further by moving in with my partner. She's not interested in getting married, owns her own house. I also own a house, but if I move in, I will have to sell what I own, leaving me with nothing. This seems like a risk too far if things don't work out. What should I do???! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (4 December 2007):
 Its always a tricky one when it comes to property isen't it. I own my own house, which like all of us have worked really hard to get. Consequently i have not met the right girl yet, but when i do im sure i will asking the same questions you are. I think if you are considering moving in with her then letting you place out to some professional tennents would probably be you best bet. This way you will always have something to fall back on should things not work out. Also you could consider both selling your properties and putting an equal amount into another house, this way you both have a equal share in the property.
Hope this helps, and good luck
A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I would be suspicious of a woman who is not interested in marriage. Don't you think it is not a good sign. It shows her independence and his wish to have her freedom to get out of this relationship anytime.
She apparently does not like commitment. yes I do think you two have risk of breaking up in the future. And she is already winning, getting an upper hand by making you accept to live in her house. She wont sell her house. why would you.
And I do not think deep down or in the future your moving into her house as opposed to a neutral house (a third option) or to your house, would make her appreciate more your feelings towards her. So yes, don't move into her apartment or just don't sell yours at all. It is too early. At least live together in her house for 1 or 2 years and see whether you can work it out.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (4 December 2007):
 My boyfriend and I are in that same situation. We have been together almost 10 years, he has his house and I have mine. We love each other and intend getting married however neither of us are prepared to sell our properties. He doesnt want to live at mine because he says its too small as he is in the music industry and tends to have a LOAD of equipment. I dont want to live at his because he doesnt have a garage, has very little garden and its not the best area.
We have both decided that in the name of fairness, we would both rent out our properties and rent a house together. Our houses stay in our sole names so neither of us loose anything should our relationship not work. If and when we decide to marry, we would probably purchase a house together and still rent out our properties.
I, like you, am not prepared to loose all the equity in my home should our relationship not work. If we marry then it is slightly different in that what is mine is yours and vice versa.
In your situation you have options too.
1. You could if you wanted to, rent out your place and that in itself pays for the mortgage and hopefully a little more. Then if things go pear shaped, you havent lost your home.
2. If you didnt want to do that, you could both live at yours and rent out hers.
3. Do what we are planning and go rent somewhere together until we are married. Our rent will pay for the mortgage and about half of the rent on the rental property.
Neither or us has lost anything, our mortgages are covered by the rent and our rent on our rental property is partially covered, so in effect we are actually making money. We will in effect be making a small profit of about £200 per month.
Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Why dont you rent out your home atleast if things dont work out you still have your own place. Or both sell up and take the risk of both getting a house together
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007): If you are serious about each other...why can't you both sell up and get a house together with a joint mortgage or whatever.thats commitment lol.be careful. a year isnt really that longx
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 It will leave you with the proceeds of your house and her with full ownership of her home (at least, for the present, after several years, I don't know). Are you interested in renting your home (that could be one answer)? Is she interested in putting your finances together? If you are worried because you still want to keep a hand in the housing market, perhaps you could use the money to invest in a vacation home in your name only (assuming that she wants to keep her home in her name only). If you know any lawyers, pick their brains about how things would be best done, finacially, when you are co-habiting. I'm not sure what the laws are in Britain about community property and how long you have to live together before things are considered "joint assets", if at all and under what curcumstances. You should get professional help here. I'd talk all of these things out before you move in together, money can become a big issue in a relationship and you want to start out on the right foot. Hope this was of some help.
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Oddly enough I just had this convo with my ex, I told him that if he truly loves her and want to be with her, and she him, then they should both sell up and buy a home TOGETHER.
Have you considered this option?
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