A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:In 2006 i found out my husband of 11 years was having an affair with someone he met through work in a different country. We have since seperated and getting divorced. How do i move on when i still love him and would have him back? He is still seeing the other woman maybe for 6 weeks a year, in february of this year he asked me to put hold on the divorce then changed his mind. I am going out of my mind, want things over once and for all, but will never be rid of him as we have two children. Why does he keep messing with my mind and does it get easier, will there be a day when i know it is over and move on?
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female
reader, UkMum  +, writes (13 June 2008):
I have been(and still am!) in a similar situation. I even moved back to the US from the UK because he finally wanted to work it out. Unfortunately, was not able to let the OW go and contined with her. I thought it was a hiccup and was willing to work through it- he moved out with no intention of trying. I can only say to you (and I have not taken the advice yet myself) - his life is a rollercoaser and the sooner you get off the better. Leave him alone, let him move towards you. If he doesn't at least you will have started gaining some distance. If he does, take it slow with no pressure on him - be very patient. Good luck. I wish you all the best.
A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Hi there, how stressful this must be for you!
yes it must be hard when you still love him and know you would take him back, but at the end of the day he is still seeing this other women. 11 year of marriage is a long time. Did he explain his reasons for asking to put the divorce on hold??? Sounds like he does not know what he wants. Dont let him mess you about any longer.
This is all about you and what is best for YOU now, he is doing what he wants to do and is hurting you in the process, i am really sorry about this, i can only imagine how hard this is. But you have to take a step back and see what is best for you in the long term.
You have already taken the first step by getting separated and now onto divorce. You need to make the decision and not go back on this no matter what he says! You need to consciously say to yourself right, i am going through with this and will not look back and get on with my life, believe me, it will get easier with time, it will be hard but keep busy and it wil get easier.
Of course he will have to see the children, but, eventually the day will come i believe and the feelings you have will subside as you will see him for what he really is and it wont matter so much that you see him with the kids etc as you will have your own life at this stage.
Unless, your other alternative is, if this is the first time he has strayed and has never cheated on you before and there is a chance that you can save this marriage and he is willing to sit down and talk to see what the problems are and he is also willing to give up his cheatful ways (only if he has not done this before) and you can find it in your heart to forgive him, then see if this is an option for you.
I wish you the very best of luck and this is how i see the situation so i hope it helped in some way.
Take care
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