A
male
age
51-59,
*ouston
writes:Was my wife a likely victim of sexual assault or rape? Before we got together when she was 18 years old she attended a 4th of July party at which she played a drinking game with somef other college students and got so drunk she blacked out. She ended up hooking up with a guy she had never had any interest in. She remembered kissing him and then nothing at all except a flash of him being on top her having intercourse and thinking to herself "How did this happen?" and "what the hell is going on?'. The next day she was very disturbed but felt too ashamed to say anything to him. She put this out of her head and told NOBODY(not even her best friend) about it until she finally told me some 20 years later. This is the only time in her life she had had sex with someone she had no romantic interest in. This sounds like gray rape to me. Any opinions would be appreciatted.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 September 2007):
 I describe rape as not just saying "no" to the act. I also describe it at doing a sexual act with someone who is not in a conscious state of mind to make a decision as to "yes" or "no".
Now since the laws have changed where the term "rape" is not used as much, they substituted "sexual assault". Is there really much difference between sexual assault and being taken advantage of, if the other party is impaired and can't make a logical decision.
She needs to understand, it was her choice to get plowed, but her condition did not give the other person rights over her to do what he did. Even though she was drunk, she needs to release herself of the guilt because it was not her decision, it was his, he chose to do what he had done, and it's not her fault that had happened.
A
female
reader, AylaJ +, writes (18 September 2007):
It sounds similar to what happened to me. I have to say that its great she feels she can trust enough to tell you. Be supportive and loving. But pushing the idea she was assulted might not be a good idea. It was hard for me to come terms with it but eventually I did. She might never. Its hard and painful, she might not be ready to confront that yet.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 Firstly, get your wife to a therapist, or counselor or someone that is a profession for this. Do not try to solve this yourself.
Secondly, it could have been a date rape, but it could have been that they were both drunk and not a rape. She did remember kissing him before blacking out...so she must have liked him, even just a little, on some level.
I once had a lover that I saw once a week for months that regularly told me that she had no idea why she even came over to my place every Friday night for sex becuase she did not even find me physically attractive. But, yet she showed up. There were never any drugs in that picture.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (18 September 2007):
 I agree with beautifultrustnlover....this guy took advantage of the situation when she was blacked out. It was against her will, which to me is rape! Even it was a long time ago, it still bothers her. She needs your understanding and prayers!
God Bless!
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A
male
reader, Houston +, writes (18 September 2007):
Houston is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo beautifultrustnlover. She doesnt want to accuse him because she says he was probably drunk too and when she was blacked out she might have concented. I know my wife and she is a light weight and is incoherant when she gets that drunk. I also find it suspicious that her only memory is him on top her and nothing preceding that and her thought was "what the hell is happening". Its possible the guy did not know she was that drunk but whether it was legally rape or just an immoral act I feel she was taken advantage of.
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A
male
reader, AndyL  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 Very sad story from her.
Yes, it's a rape.
Even though it was 20 years ago, she'll need your help for this situation.
Give your support to her not only as her husband, but as a real friend.
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A
female
reader, beautifultrustnlover +, writes (18 September 2007):
 i agree with you if he knew she was to drunk to say yes than it was rape in my book anyways
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