A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I cheated a few years ago and at the time did not class it as an affair.I told my husband it was a one night stand as that's what I thought it was. I knew the other guy we were friends but we only slept together once and because of the guilt and love for my husband I never saw this guy again. Now Im starting to wonder if it was an affair, Im very confused about telling my husband who it was because we have put it in the past and he forgave me but recently it's eating at me whether to tell him who it was or not because it will bring it all up again and he will think it was an affair. I class an affair as having an emotional connection with someone and sleeping with them every chance you get. Any advice??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): Don't tell your husband. He has moved on. If you bring this up again you are being totally selfish.
You did something wrong and now want to hurt him to make you feel better.
Suck it up and deal with it yourself.
A
male
reader, HeartBlossom  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Yep, that was an affair, potentially devastating in impact to your husband, but it sounds like he pushed through. If you really feel you need to bring this up again (I would advise against it), then put him in the driver's seat. Perhaps something like, "I've been thinking lately how devoted I am to you and how I enjoy sharing private thoughts with you that I couldn't express honestly to anyone else. If you ever want to know anything about me, I'm an open book." Leave it at that, and if sometime in the future it turns out he still has nagging questions about your affair, then answer them completely and honestly--but be ready to catch him and hold on tight if the profundity of your past betrayal kicks him in the gut.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 Infidelity. You were unfaithful. You broke your marriage vows. Playing with definitions to ease your conscience is futile. Seek counselling for what is a problem of conscience for you.
The counsellor will endeavour to find out what has happened in your life recently to trigger these feelings. You can help yourself by looking at this.
Take care
Richard
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