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Was I just a back up if his LDR didn't work out?

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 August 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 27 August 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, *oopylynch writes:

Hi

I posted a Q on here a while bk about me and my ex, he walked out in feb and started seeing another woman abroad, but still seeing me, i knew about her but she didnt no he was seeing me but knew i was his partner of 12years (with 4 kids) Well a few weeks ago he told me he wanted to come home, but wanted to go out to see her one more time!! i wasnt happy about it but i love him so much i was willing to sit like a mug and wait... he was due to fly on the 24th august.... on the 18th August he told me he loves me and the kids and isnt going away, he was true to his word and didnt go. Was i happy? no!! i felt he was pressured into his decission (either by me or his dad) hes told me im being silly... hes still quite distant with me and says it because hes scared, he very rarely tells me he loves me and only seems to say it once ive said it, so i feel hes just saying it!! it took him a week to delete her from his social network groups and is still sending her her birthday gift he was ment to take out with him if he had gone!! im just so confused, im finding it hard to believe its me he wants because he wont let me in?? are we just a back up because his long distant relationship wasnt going anywhere?? ive been broken since he left in feb and im finding it so hard to get past it all :( i just need a bit of imput, maybe im not looking straight, maybe i should be grateful and stop annalising everything!!! xx

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (27 August 2010):

janniepeg agony auntHe's still distant and says because he's scared, perhaps of hurting you one more time? You have to find out whether he's staying for comfort, for guilt, or for obligation. He has to stay because he likes being with you, and that your presence would benefit each other. As long as he's distant, your relationship would be shaky. If "I love you" isn't enough, ask him whether he's still in love with you, and what happened to cause him to fall out of love. Then whether you could work it out to bring back that passion again.

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