A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 23 years old and have a 23 months old daughter with a lad i was with for nearly 4 years. Sadly my granddad died of cancer 11 weeks ago and i have been grieving for him alot. Me and my boyfriend split up on the same day that was 11 weeks since he died. The day after would have been my granddads 76th birthday. I did a pregnancy test and came back positive. My ex wants me to keep the baby and deep down i want to too. Only thing i live in a 2 bedroom house with my mum who has M.S and i share a bedroom with my daughter already. But now my mum sed if i want to keep the baby i have to move out before im 3 months pregnant. (Im 4 weeks now) I feel really pressured to get rid of the baby but i never have agreed with it and i know i wil regret it. I am still grieving my granddad and upset about splitting with my ex and dont need getting rid of my baby on my mind as well. Im on council list but could be a while yet. Anyone got any advice on what to do and what help i could get to move out money wise and if id be able to cope xxx
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Do you or your ex have jobs? That would be the easiest and most sensible way to get some money so you can move out, visit your local job centre and they will be able to help you.
I dont think you should get rid of the baby if you dont want to, you would really regret it and if the baby is wanted by both parents, well there is no reason to have an abortion.
But your mum does have a point - it is her house, she is ill and you are already taking advantage by living at home despite being an adult with your own child. You really should think before you have kids about sorting your life out and being able to support yourself, before you bring any extra lives into the world. You cannot expect to live off your mum forever, you are a grown woman and should be able to take care of yourself.
If you claim you cant get a job for whatever reason then go back to the council again and explain that your situation has changed, and that you will have nowhere to live in 8 weeks time and you are pregnant again. I'm sure with 2 kids and nowhere to live they will have to help you.
But please, do try to get a job. If you and your ex both get jobs then you can afford to rent a little house or flat so you have a place of your own to raise your children. Living off the taxpayer is not a long term solution, and a council estate is not a nice place for children to grow up. So you should be seeking employment, right now you should be considering working anywhere you can - you need to think about the long term, and even if you get a council house - how do you expect to pay for food, bills, clothes for the kids...etc. Having a job will solve the majority of your problems, whereas getting a council house will only solve 1 small problem and actually create more problems for you.
And make sure you get financial support from your ex - as the father of your children he has to pay for them, so if you need to, seek help from a lawyer or the citizens advice bureau so they can point you in the right direction for getting child support from the father.
Sorry for the loss of your grandfather, I understand this must be a tough time for you but now is the time to be strong for the sake of your kids and start getting your life sorted out.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, Star xxx +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Only you know if you will really be able to cope, mentally anyway. There is alot of help available for you for housing and money.
My advise would be to go to your local cab as they will be able to give you all the info you need. I do know that to get housed quicker you need to be made homeless, so if your mum could write a letter to say she is evicting you, you would be prioritised especially because you have a child and one on way.
Please do not let anyone bully you into a decision about the unborn baby, that is your decision and yours alone.
Take care xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): Assuming your ex wants to help raise the baby, he should be helping support the baby and you finacially.
While you wait for the council (I assume this is government support?) I think you need to have a straight up talk with your ex and say that deep down you want to keep the baby, but you are struggling with how to manage it all and feel overwhelmed, you never know it could be the good news he is looking for to get back together with you?? Hang in there things often have a positive way of getting better.
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